Month: September 2021

Learning to Love Again

Learning to Love Again

It has been 2 years since I walked out the door and haven’t looked back since. As I left for work that September morning I knew my life would never be the same again. I left the house with a suitcase of clothes, a pillow, sleeping bag and an air mattress. I had no clue what my long term plan was going to be. I was terrified but I knew I could no longer stay trapped in an abuse cycle. Things had come full circle and I had made the decision to leave. I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy task but it was time.

That night after work I went to my Nana’s house. She said that I could live with her for as long as I needed to sort things out. I am so grateful that she gave me a safe place to stay.

When my ex realized that I was not coming home that night he started to blow up my phone with millions of texts. I have placed many of the texts he sent in my book. Overall the text were all about him and how he felt, he needed me to come home. Not once did he ask me how I was feeling or what I needed. He wanted me to go home because he was hurting. I stayed strong I texted him back with one text that said, “after last nights behaviour you will be lucky if I ever come come home. I cannot be treated like this anymore. I am done. I have hit a breaking point and you have broken me. Please leave me alone during this time. If I want contact with you it will be on my terms.”

Throughout my book you can see how the narcissist gaslights the empath and the way he kept disrespecting my boundaries. It took me a couple weeks to truly stand my ground and no longer return to the abuse cycle.

Something that I didn’t realize at the time was how hard it would be to open up my heart to someone again. Not only was my heart broken when I left a toxic abuse cycle but, I was head over heals in love with my twin flame. I knew I couldn’t just jump from my marriage into a relationship with my twin flame. I was so blinded by the love I felt for him. I really wanted to be in a romantic relationship with my twin flame.

A few months after leaving my ex things were getting flirty between my twin flame and I. It felt really good to actually feel the love. A love I had never felt in my entire life. A love so strong that I can’t even put it into words. When we were together the sexual chemistry was out of this world but we also connected on a completely different level. When my twin flame blocked and ghosted me that was when the real pain started. Triggering my childhood trauma and abandonment issues.

I had no one but myself to blame. I was left out in the cold. I had left a 14 year relationship and jump right into something amazing and new. I didn’t take the time to just learn who I was as a person.

Here I am today a much stronger, confident, independent version of myself. The only thing is no one told me was that once I healed myself and found the love within how my entire perspective on the way we love others and how we deserve to be loved would change. I now have standards for myself. I know my self worth and I know that I deserve the best.

I have been going on dates with different men since February 2021. I see things from a completely different perspective. I have been ghosted, stalked, catfished and lied too.

I have also met someone who treats me very well. He showers me with gifts, takes me to fun place, pays for everything and treats me like a princess. Yet I push him away because it triggers me. I feel that he’s trying to buy my love. I keep reminding myself that this is different he is not my ex. Yet I see this behaviour as a red flag more than a nice gesture.

I also feel like something is missing. I don’t feel that explosive firework bubble love. You know the feeling, it’s the can’t eat, can’t sleep reach for the stars World Series feeling. I don’t feel that with this man at all. I kind of feel numb. That is how I know this relationship is not worth perusing. He’s someone else’s soulmate and I need to release him so he can be happy with his perfect partner.

This man also triggers some of the childhood wounds that I still have within myself. I think the universe has placed him in my path as a way to see where I still need to work on myself and my insecurities.

I have decided to stop trying to date and just be happy with my life the way it is in this moment.

I am actually okay living alone. I am enjoying owning my own house and having my own space. The universe will bring Mr.Right into my life when the time is right. I know that it will be magical and serendipitous just like it was when I connected with my twin flame. I know he will be the one when I feel those fireworks and butterflies again.

I am feeling really good about myself and my situation in this moment. I am giving it to the universe to navigate. I surrender to whatever outcome may come. I no longer sit around waiting for my twin flame to return to me.

Why was I wasting so much time and energy waiting for someone to come back into my life?

If the masculine felt the love like the feminine does there is no way they would be able to just walk away from the connection and go on with their normal day to day life.

I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love them. Someone who is a supportive partner and doesn’t run away when things get hard. Someone who can openly communicate everything and anything that is on their mind. I actually made a list of 100 qualities I want in a partner and I’m not settling for just anyone.

I know my Mr.Right is out there and I will attract him into my life when the time is right. However, I obviously still have my own healing to work on. I still have trust and abandonment issues. I have shadows within me that still need to be destroyed.

On a positive note I am so grateful for the life that I have created for myself. I am proud of the person I am today. I wouldn’t change my life for the world. No one tells you how hard it will be to date after leaving an abuse cycle. Now that I’ve gained back my self worth, self love, self confidence and independence. It will take a strong soulmate connection to win over my heart and soul.

Let me tell you it’s worth the wait because this girl is NOT settling for anything less than Mr.Right. 

Twin Flame Obsessed

Twin Flame Obsessed

How I learned to control the obsessive overthinking…

The number one sign for me that this person was my twin flame was the obsessive thinking. This person was obsessively on my mind 24/7 for months on end.  I thought I was going insane. It wasn’t until Chapter 24 in my book entitled Help! Where I was able to start to learn how to control this connection better.

Now don’t get me wrong I do still have thoughts about my twin flame on occasion, he still sends me visions/dreams and I can feel his energy because we are still one soul. We are still connected through the chakras on one energy source. I have figured out how to balance the energy’s within me and it feels amazing.

First of all the soul does not recognize social media so blocking and ghosting your twin flame online or from your life does not work when it comes to blocking out the obsessive thinking. It actually makes the twin flame journey even more challenging when there is no communication between you and your other self.  This is a soul connection you are one soul in two body’s it’s best to try and keep the lines of communication open if you can.  Unfortunately most of the time there are external obstacles keeping you apart. The twin flame masculine also doesn’t understand the depth of the connection on a conscious level like you do. They subconsciously run from the intensity of the energy between you both and they have no clue they are even doing it. Think of it in the terms of them running from their own deep rooted trauma, fears and emotions. They are not running from you they are running from themselves.

Regardless of your twin flames status in your life. The twin flame journey is more about your own spiritual journey and soul growth. It’s about self- love, self- worth, self-discovery and so much more. It’s your own life journey of your soul in this lifetime.  There are no guru’s out there or anyone outside yourself that can tell you what to do or how to navigate this connection.  The answers are within you. I can guide you and tell you what helped me but what helped me might not resonate with you. I do have faith that by sharing my story it will help others struggling with this journey.

Do you know that you are already whole and complete on your own?

This other person doesn’t complete you.  You are already one soul you are always in union so to speak on a soul level.

“You don’t have a soul, you are a soul, you have a body” Buddha

I am proud to say here I am today almost 2 years later and I could have never imagined the strong independent woman that I have become throughout this process.

So how did I do it? How did I make the obsessive thinking go away? How did I surrender so to speak to the connection? How did I take back the power and control of my life?

It really wasn’t that complicated once I figured it out…

I have shared the main points and what worked for me throughout my book so I don’t want to repeat myself here I wrote most of my learnings into a novel. However, I will touch base on one thing I feel is one of the key points to controlling the obsessive thinking.

I am a recreational therapist working in long term care. I work with individuals with Alzheimer’s Disease and other forms of Dementia. My job actually made me realize that the twin flame obsession is very similar to those who are sundowning. These individuals walk around wandering the halls day in and out asking to go home. Every 30 seconds to 1 minute they ask me to go home, I find myself repeating you are home, this is your home.  In their mind they are looking to go back to their childhood home.

You see the brain is like an onion. An onion has layers so you take the core of the onion for example: The core is where you find your memories from childhood you remember your mom, dad, sister, brother, childhood home, school and things you used to enjoy doing. As we age the brain or onion so to speak gains more layers.  You grow up, graduate high school, get married, buy a house, have children, grandchildren and the layers build everyday until the onion gets so big and the layers get so weak  that we start to loose the outer part of our onion. That is why someone with Alzheimer’s Disease can’t remember what they did just a few short minutes ago but instead are obsessively in search of their childhood home. They have reverted back in time in their brain back to the core memories.

The key to prevent this behaviour is to keep them engaged in an activity that they enjoy for example, exercise, painting, puzzles, sing a long or bingo.  There are many activities to choose from. During the activity the individual is so engaged in the activity that is going on in that moment that they completely forget that they were looking to go home.  They may not remember the activity minutes after participating but the important part is that they were present in that moment when the activity was taking place.

So now you may ask, how does this have anything to do with the twin flame obsession?

It has everything to do with it…

We are made up of three parts body, mind and soul. We always have the control over our own body and mind but in the twin flame dynamic you are one soul and the soul is what you are.  So the soul is constantly looking to go home.  Now that you have recognized your soul inside of another human being it’s constantly looking to go home. It keeps you constantly in search of them, wondering about them, which triggers the mind and the ego.  We still have full control of the situation as a human being in a body as you have control of the body and the mind. The soul however accelerates to a whole new level after this meeting of it’s other self.

So how do you control this…

Live your life in the now. Don’t worry about the past it’s in the past and there is nothing you can do about it. Which is easier said than done. Try your best to Live in the moment.  Step into your power and take back the control of your own body and mind. Focus on activity’s that fuel your soul. I enjoy exercising, crafting, painting, reading, writing, meditating, baking, taking baths, connecting with nature and so many other activity’s. When you do these things be present in that moment don’t waste your time worrying about the past or about what’s to come. Just be in that moment. Feel the wind on your skin, the warmth of the sun, listen to the birds in the trees, stop to smell the rose and focus on the little things in life. Stop focusing and worrying about this other person, pull back your energy and put all the focus back on you. The more you focus on them the more they focus on themselves.  The more you focus on you the more they will focus on you too. Live in the NOW!

Spirit is sending me the song Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield look up the lyric’s see if it resonates with you.

I hope this helps. Feel free to comment or reach out I am always happy to help.



Although I highly encourage that you learn to trust your own intuition on this journey. I did meet a few people along the way that were able to guide me in the right direction.  Your heart and soul knows what to do, this is a soul connection. The internet didn’t even exist when my soul came up with this contract. My soul knows how to navigate this journey better than any external source.

Here are a few people who helped guide me throughout my journey so far…

I signed up for a course called all things spiritual.  This course was more reasonable I spent $500 instead of $5000 and this was one of the best things I could have done for myself. The teacher’s name was Liz Throp “The Soul Expert” she has won awards all across Canada for her spiritual gifts.  This was money well spent, it was a very private small group setting in a house.  I write about this experience in my book and the things she taught me that have helped me navigate this journey.  I am so grateful to have found her when I did as I was spiraling into the darkness.

I also found someone online named Carol Mary who specializes in twin flame connections. Her website is She offers lots of different services but the one that I did was the twin flame consultation for $200 USD.  Which took a long time to get back but was well worth the wait as it went into great detail about my past life with my twin flame and things I needed to work on to heal myself on a soul level.  Things that I was subconsciously doing to push my twin flame away.  She went in depth on working on self-love and self-worth.  This was a personalized road map as to what I needed to do to heal this connection and again money well spent.  Carol Mary also has a twin flame support group on Facebook and many other amazing coaching service to help with your journey.

Cassady Cayne is another person who experienced the twin flame connection first hand.  She experienced the kundalini awakening like I did and her personal story teachings are helpful. She offers a lot of free online information.  Her website is

There are many people on YouTube who are providing free information regarding awakening, expanding your consciousness and twin flames.  Aaron Doughty’s video’s really helped me with my journey as well as Christina Lopes, Abraham Hicks, Eckhart Tolle and Gold Ray Twin Flames.  Just to name a few there are lots of people on YouTube who understand this and are helping people for free.  There are also some who are doing more damage than good.  These are just the ones that I found helped me on my journey.  Figure out who can help you.

The last one I would like to touch base on that really helped me with his free YouTube video’s is Kurt.  His YouTube is New World Allstar.  He really does understand this connection and has a lot of free material to help you with all things twin flame.  Although I don’t agree with all of his teachings as it’s not a one size fits all cookie cutter plan and each person’s journey is different. A lot of the things he talks about make sense if you are actually on the twin flame journey.  If you are not on the twin flame journey his teaching will sound like non sense and a little crazy. He does offer a cookie cutter plan for those on the twin flame journey that you can pay for. Again everyone’s story is different no two twin flame story’s are the same. So what works for someone to bring back their twin flame may not work for someone else. The purpose of the twin flame connection is not about the romance it’s about soul growth and expanding your level of consciousness. I have not paid for Kurt’s program as I have already wasted far too much money on the twin flame thing.

I am currently at a place in my life where I feel whole and complete without my twin flame or anyone for that matter.  I have found the love within myself and I no longer have the obsessive thoughts regarding my twin flame.  I have learned to surrender and pull back my energy, putting all that energy back on my self.  It has definitely been a process. I am no where near the same person I was just a few short years ago when I made this connection. I am so proud of the person I am today.

Incase no one has told you lately, I am also proud of you.

Do you even know how far you’ve come on your own journey?

Caution: Twin Flame Scammers

Caution: Twin Flame Scammers

The real twin flame journey is not an easy path to be on and I feel your frustration.  When I first woke up to this connection I thought I was going insane.  I had this person who I had hugged burned into my body, mind and soul 24/7, we became telepathic, he was sending me visions through his eyes, I felt a love for him like I had never experienced before. I became physically sick, could no longer eat or sleep and things went a little insane in the spiritual gifts department. I felt alone, scared and crazy.

Honestly who can you talk to about any of this and not sound crazy?

If you are currently not on this twin flame rollercoaster and you’re out there looking for your twin flame I just have to say, please run in the opposite direction and find yourself a nice soulmate.

I now realize that the purpose of the twin flame connection is to be more of a catalyst for a spiritual awakening.  This happened so I could take back the power and control of my own life. Find the love within myself and know my worth. Spirit is guiding me to share my story with others to be a bright shinny light, lead the way and help others on their path. I am not offering coaching at this time but if you want to reach out and just chat as a friend I am always looking to make new friends on this journey. (free of charge)

The real twin flame thing is so rare. I have created social media pages to support others and share what I have learned along the way I also learn new things daily.

When this first happened to me I was so desperate to have my old life back.  I wanted to go back to my comfortable, co-dependent life with my husband.  Spirit had another plan for me.  After I hugged my twin flame, felt the love and experienced the kundalini awakening there was no way to go back to my old way of living. I had no choice but to move forward and change my entire life.

I wasted so much money on these “Twin Flame Scammers” to show me the way through the dark night of the soul. I wanted them to tell me exactly what was happening to me and how to fix it.

That’s why I want to to help others like you without having to spend the thousands of dollars that I did for false hope and promises. All of these “Twin Flame Experts” guaranteed that if I signed up for their program or used their service my twin flame would come back.

I have published my private diary and I am sharing my knowledge for free to help you because I want to be that person that I didn’t have when I went through all of this. I am a recreational therapist in long term care.  I did not write my story to get rich quick or charge millions for what I have learned over the years of being on this journey. I am doing this to meet others all around the world who are experiencing this crazy twin flame thing.

I had never even heard of a twin flame before this connection happened and I thought that I was already married to my soulmate.  Which couldn’t have been further from the truth.  I needed this person to come into my life in divine time to wake me up from the deep sleep I was in and open me up to this whole new world that I never even knew existed.  When we hugged was when my entire life changed. I experienced a kundalini spiritual awakening which is the number one sign for me that this person truly was my twin flame.  If you don’t experience any kind of awakening or spiritual growth odds are they are not your twin flame.

If you have read my book by chapter five I was three weeks into the connection and feeling really confused as to what was happening to me. Things were getting really insane and I had no clue how to control it.  So I did the most logical thing I could think of and reached out to a local psychic. That’s where I finally started to find some answers.  She was the one who first shared with me that I had met someone who was the ying to my yang.  That was the day I discovered the label twin flame and to this day I try to pretend as if I never heard that label.

I started to research the connection, I started to become even more obsessed with the connection, (if that’s even possible).  I wanted help from anyone and everyone who understood this.

Like I  mentioned above I wasted a lot of money. I am talking thousands of dollars along the way. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. So here are some red flags to watch out for when paying for “Twin Flame Experts” to help on this journey.

Tarot Card Readings- I wasted a lot of time, money and energy on tarot card readings from random people all over the world.  I became obsessed with free pick a card readings on YouTube.  I would book with random people to find out what was happening in my connection with my twin flame. Once a week I would pay some reader who specialized in twin flame connections for a reading.  Every reader did pick up that what I was experiencing was a real twin flame connection, (tell me something I don’t know). Most would say he’s coming back soon or thinking about reaching out.

It’s been two years how soon is soon?

Caution People Who Reach Out To You-I had someone reach out to me claiming to be a “Twin Flame Guru” first she said that my ancestors had a message for me and was offering me a free reading.  So she said to send a picture of myself my full name and a picture of my left palm.  So I did that. She answered back saying I have been cursed and I am surrounded by negative energy. In order to go further in depth she needed to do a full twin flame reading for $111 to see what this negative thing is that’s blocking my twin flame and I from union.  So I paid for the reading then she came back with the fact that she would have to remove the negative energy in her temple and needed some supplies. The total cost of everything would be $1500 and she promised me that after she cleared this energy my twin flame would come back to me once that negative block was gone.  After about a week she reached back out and said she had bad news the spell didn’t work and the negative thing is really strong she would need more supplies.  She told me that she needed to purchase an amulet that was going to cost $4000 she was going to transmute the cursed energy into an amulet and make a sacrifice. This was where I did not pay $4000 and walked away. I then had another “Twin Flame Specialist” tell me that my soul was no longer my soul and an earth bound spirit had taken over my body. For $2000 she could help balance the energy and put my soul back into my body. She also suggested that I do a chakra balancing.  I actually paid for a portion of this service to balance my chakra’s but she refused to do the service without apparently putting my soul back first. I then asked for my money back. I have had people offer me services to put a spell on my twin flame to bring him back. I don’t want to play around with witchcraft we all have free will.  If I bought into all these service people told me I needed to bring my twin flame back and heal the connection, I would be so far in debt. I get these type of messages daily from “Twin Flame Experts” reaching out to provide me with free readings and advice.  I now don’t respond or kindly decline the offer.

Twin Flame Coaching– My next red flag would be when I discovered “Twin Flame Universe”. I reached out thinking that these people could really help me. Only to realize that they are not even on the twin flame journey.  Don’t get me wrong they really do believe they are on the twin flame path and think they are helping people. When in all reality they are doing more harm than good by training others to be twin flame coaches.  None of these people I connected with are on a twin flame journey. It just made things even more confusing.  They charged a fortune for their services.  I bought their book after paying for a few of the services they offer and realized that none of what they spoke about in their book about twin flames made sense.

I then realized that they were training other people to coach people on the twin flame journey and none of these people understood anything I was experiencing. I realized they are in this for the money and not so much to help people.  Their methods don’t work and they are full of false hope yet they are getting rich off the twin flame label. If you see a couple on the internet who both agree that they are twin flames they are working together in harmonious union and have been together for years. They have a great relationship they both know they are twin flames and they charge a fortune. I would go in a different direction.

Although the mirror technique that they teach for twin flames does work for all relationships including twin flames that would be my only take away from the thousands of dollars I wasted on this program. You can google search the mirror technique and learn how to do that online for free. They also play on the twin flame label. Their focus is for those who have not met their twin flame yet to help them draw their twin flame into their life. I had already met my twin flame I needed someone to help control the connection, cut the cords and set me free to live my life again. Although deep down I was really wishing for him to come back to be and get my happily ever after. Regardless nothing that they offered helped.

The next person I found offered a free over the phone consultation on how to help bring your twin flame back after you have already connected and are in separation. Again I talked to one of the coaches at this “Be With Your Twin Flame” program they were offering online. As I spoke to this girl about what I was experiencing she said I sounded like a perfect candidate for their program. She then went on to say if I was interested in joining it cost $6000 USD (I am Canadian that is closer to $8000 for me). Then moving forward there is a membership to join their private social media group it would be an additional $40 a month.  Again with the promise of bringing back my twin flame. I kindly declined this service as this was a ridiculous amount of money.  I took that money and published my book instead to help others.

In conclusion there is a lot of confusing mixed information about twin flames on the internet.  What to do, how to navigate it, how to bring back your twin flame, how to cut the cords and so many more articles that may or may not make sense to you.

Everyone’s situation is different there is no cookie cutter program that is going to help everyone through this.  It’s like a diet and exercise program. I can have ten people in a group and give them all the exact same diet and exercise plan.  Over the course of six to eight weeks everyone will experience different results as everybody is different and needs a plan tailored to their specific needs.

This is my story, these are the things that made my situation worse not better. At the end of the day your soul knows what to do. The answers are within you, you know the truth.  An external person cannot help you with this you need to learn to trust your own intuition and be your own guiding light through the dark night of the soul.

At the end of the day we can all use a friend on this crazy journey through life. I love meeting new people from all over the world. By me helping you it actually helps fuel my soul. We are all soul family and no one deserves to be left in the dark or feel alone regardless of the label or what you are going through. I wish you all the best with whatever it is you’re going through. Know that you are not alone and you are not crazy.

Breaking the Abuse Cycle

Breaking the Abuse Cycle

Before my awakening I didn’t even realize that I was trapped in an abuse cycle. I normalized it and made up excuses for my husbands behaviour. When I woke up so to speak. I couldn’t stay in an abuse cycle I had to leave as it was making me physically sick to stay.

How to Recognize That You Are Trapped in an Abuse Cycle

1) The Honeymoon Phase

All seems well this is “normal” life

2) Tension Builds

Tempers start to heighten the victim can feel the energy shift and feels as if they are walking on eggshells. The victim tries to stay on their best behaviour, careful not to trigger an explosion.

3) Explosion (Abuse Happens) 

Mental abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse. Regardless of the abuse it’s abuse and this is the explosion.

4) Apologies and Gifts  

The abuser apologizes for their actions, begs for the victim to come back. Buys them gifts, promises it’s going to be different. They say they won’t do it again and that they have changed their ways.

5) Repeat 

The victim returns home and the entire cycle repeats again. It might be days, weeks, months or even a year but the abuser goes back to his old ways and the cycle repeats again

How to Break the Cycle 

 Step 1: Recognize that you are trapped in an abuse cycle.

Step 2: Make a plan to leave in a safe way (talk to a therapist, friends and family).

Step 3: Leave when the abuser is not home

Step 4: Stay strong and don’t go back

Step 5: Take back the power and control of your own life.

For more information I share my personal story as to how I kept getting sucked back into the abuse cycle. I also share how I broke the cycle. Took back the power and control of my own life and became the best version of myself that I could be. Now this is living!!!!

If you are struggling with leaving an abuse cycle please feel free to reach out as I have been in your shoes. It’s not easy but in the end it’s well worth it.