Month: January 2022

Self Reflection

Self Reflection

As I rang in the new year 2022 I couldn’t help but reflect back on my life over these last few years. I not only no longer recognize the girl I once was but I no longer recognize this 3D world in which I live in. I have been spending a lot of time in hermit mode healing and grieving the loss of a life I once knew.

My world came crumbing down once again one week ago today. I was informed that in order to keep my 3D job working in long term care that I would be mandated to take yet another “covid vaccine”. As I have had reactions to the last two shots and I am still trying to figure out what this is doing to my body. I was very hesitant. However, in order to keep my job I must take the jab. So I was called for a last minute appointment opening. As I arrived to the building I wanted to run in the opposite direction. I felt sick, my gut instinct was saying not to take this shot. My mind was saying suck it up you need a job.

As I walked into the building my entire body was starting to tremble I prayed that my angels and spirit guides would keep me protected from the long term damage this jab is doing to my body.

As I proceeded to walk into the room where their was a huge lineup I became overwhelmed with the energy. Anxiety started to take over my body and I worked on grounding myself to keep calm. As I observed my surroundings I couldn’t help but notice the girl standing behind me. Although she had a mask on I could tell from her aura that she was a kind hearted soul. I felt an instant connection to her but couldn’t figure it out. I asked my guides that if they want me to talk to her they needed to give me her name. Within seconds of that thought leaving my brain a women a few feet ahead of me turned around and said “Hi Emily” (I have changed her name to keep her identity hidden). The two of them proceeded to chat. (With me standing uncomfortably between them). Their conversation was short and sweet but I couldn’t help overhear her congratulate Emily on her engagement. It was in that moment I realized who this woman behind me was…

She was my ex husbands new fiancé!

I turned around and introduced myself I explained to her that I had experienced what is called a kundalini spiritual awakening and now I get messages from beyond. I asked if she was comfortable with me telling her what I was being guided to say. She agreed. I started by confirming that she is indeed engaged to my ex husband. (Which I have never seen this woman in my life and have had no communication with my ex in over two years now). That first fact blew her mind. I told her that when I woke up to the fact that my husband was my son in a previous lifetime I no longer could be intimate with him as my perspective and feelings changed. (I left out the part where he abused me). I went on to thank her.  I said “thank you for being there for him as I walked away, thank you for loving and caring for him when I could not, I  just wanted to say thank you”. I asked her about my cat as I had to leave her behind when I left.  It was reassuring to know that my cat has been well cared for and she will be turning 16 years old on April 1st. I asked her to send my love to his family as I know they have been though a lot of hardship these last few years. Although I may no longer be in their lives I wish them nothing but the best as they were once my family for more than half my lifetime. As we parted ways I couldn’t help but think to myself…

Maybe he has change?

I hope for her sake he does treat her differently than he treated me. I do whole heartily want them to be happy. I think everyone deserves love and happiness.

I was no longer worried about this “vaccine” I was about to inject into my body. I couldn’t help but to think about how the universe and my guides made this encounter happen. This was my confirmation that my angels and guides have my back. As I walked away after taking the jab I went and sat in the common seating area where I was directed to go.

Within minutes my entire left arm where the shot had been injected went numb this feeling spread across the entire backside of my body. It felt as if I put icy rub on the entire back half of my body as well as my left arm. My blood within felt as if it was flowing through my veins like lava. My right arm and front half of my body became icy cold to touch. I got a lump in my throat and was having difficulty breathing. The nurses escorted me to behind a partition and had me lay on a table. There were 3 nurses.

They placed an ice pack where the needle had been injected as well as an ice pack on the back of my neck.  My body started to shake. All though my blood was on fire my body was freezing as if I had a chill. None of them had witnessed anyone have a reaction like this before. They all agreed that it wasn’t a typical allergic reaction.

I explained to them what had happened in the line up and how I was feeling about taking this shot. They told me that this reaction I had was stress and trauma induced. After half an hour I started to feel a bit better and drove myself home.

During the drive home my blood in my entire body now felt like burning lava. Although I still had this chill that cut right to the bone. I couldn’t warm myself up. I had to pull over to vomit multiple times on the way home. When I arrived home I took a hot shower put on warm pjs and slept under my electric blanket. For the life of me I couldn’t get warm although my body felt as if it were on fire. It was like it was so hot it was cold.

Throughout the night my symptoms became worse. I would lay down and not be able to breathe or catch my breath I had to stand up hunched over to breathe. I went downstairs and watched a movie as I couldn’t sleep laying down I sat on the couch.

The next morning I called public health. I told her about my symptoms and she told me there was nothing she could do for me. I asked if she could put a note on my file. She said only doctors have the authority to do that and I would need to speak to my doctor. I was lucky enough to be able to speak to my doctor within an hour of calling the office.

I told her about my symptoms and she didn’t seem too concerned. She told me that it doesn’t seem to be an allergic reaction but just some side effects to the vaccine. So far since taking the first jab. My mensural cycle has been horrible I get months where it lasts upwards of 30 days in a row then nothing for a month or two and then it’s back for a month. I have experienced blood clots the size of grapefruits come out. I experience more pain in my body than I ever have before. I experience what I call left breast cramps which apparently is heartburn. I now suffer with migraine like headaches and vomit for no reason. Yes, I do admit I have a history of endometriosis, fibroids and PCOS. Whatever is in this “vaccine” has put my symptoms on steroids. Although my doctor says this is “normal” and that I’m probably premenopausal.  It’s just a fluke that this all started to intensify after the first jab.  I feel very defeated in this as I know my body better than anyone. It frustrates me when this gets brushed off as “normal” this is far from normal. I am just told there is no proof that this vaccine caused my symptoms.  My argument back is there no proof that it didn’t.

As I went back to work I came to the realization that once again I was trapped in a narcissistic, abuse cycle.  Going to work makes me feel the same way my ex did when I would go home. As I approached the building my body began to shake with fear.

What new changes have they implemented now?

I am already mandated to inject an experimental vaccine into my body that is obviously doing more harm than good. I am currently “fully vaccinated” but the question is…

For how long?

How many of these shots am I going to be mandated to take to keep my job?

I still covid test myself daily in order to work, I am forced to wear a mask and shield to cover my entire face, my breathing has become laboured, the residents are locked in their rooms like prisoners, I feel tired, defeated and exhausted.  As I leave work at the end of the day the waterworks start. I can’t help but to cry not only for them but for myself.

I know that my heart and soul is not in this anymore. I know that I can’t go on putting on a happy face and fake it. What is happening is nowhere near okay.

This 4th lockdown really sent me into a deep self reflection.  The divine has given me these life skills that I have developed over time for a reason.  It is time to take a stance and stand my ground.  I know my worth and I know I am worth much more than the way I’ve been treated at work. To them I am just a number they don’t care about me. If I walk away from my job they would replace me within minutes. As much as I love and care for the residents this is no longer the job I once signed up for.  It’s time for me to fuel my heart snd soul.

I am going to put more focus on me. My life goals and dreams. I am starting to coach those on their spiritual awakening journey. Those looking to navigate their way through the darkness.  I am publishing my second book 📕 Igniting the Flame Within: How to Guide 📚 which again shows how I healed. Through sharing my personal experiences. I have made the second book clear concise and to the point.

I have added to the 30 Day Self-Love and Care Challenge and linked all the products on Amazon that I’ve used to help navigate my journey. I go more in-depth in the book regarding the challenge but it’s a good start for anyone looking to shift and change their life.

I know that I’m a strong independent woman who can accomplish anything she puts her mind too  if you’re interested in some coaching via video chat contact me and I will get back to you. My contact information is on my main website.

Thank you to all of those who have been reading my blogs and following along.

Just one questions…

How are you doing?