Author: myas

Self Reflection

Self Reflection

As I rang in the new year 2022 I couldn’t help but reflect back on my life over these last few years. I not only no longer recognize the girl I once was but I no longer recognize this 3D world in which I live in. I have been spending a lot of time in hermit mode healing and grieving the loss of a life I once knew.

My world came crumbing down once again one week ago today. I was informed that in order to keep my 3D job working in long term care that I would be mandated to take yet another “covid vaccine”. As I have had reactions to the last two shots and I am still trying to figure out what this is doing to my body. I was very hesitant. However, in order to keep my job I must take the jab. So I was called for a last minute appointment opening. As I arrived to the building I wanted to run in the opposite direction. I felt sick, my gut instinct was saying not to take this shot. My mind was saying suck it up you need a job.

As I walked into the building my entire body was starting to tremble I prayed that my angels and spirit guides would keep me protected from the long term damage this jab is doing to my body.

As I proceeded to walk into the room where their was a huge lineup I became overwhelmed with the energy. Anxiety started to take over my body and I worked on grounding myself to keep calm. As I observed my surroundings I couldn’t help but notice the girl standing behind me. Although she had a mask on I could tell from her aura that she was a kind hearted soul. I felt an instant connection to her but couldn’t figure it out. I asked my guides that if they want me to talk to her they needed to give me her name. Within seconds of that thought leaving my brain a women a few feet ahead of me turned around and said “Hi Emily” (I have changed her name to keep her identity hidden). The two of them proceeded to chat. (With me standing uncomfortably between them). Their conversation was short and sweet but I couldn’t help overhear her congratulate Emily on her engagement. It was in that moment I realized who this woman behind me was…

She was my ex husbands new fiancé!

I turned around and introduced myself I explained to her that I had experienced what is called a kundalini spiritual awakening and now I get messages from beyond. I asked if she was comfortable with me telling her what I was being guided to say. She agreed. I started by confirming that she is indeed engaged to my ex husband. (Which I have never seen this woman in my life and have had no communication with my ex in over two years now). That first fact blew her mind. I told her that when I woke up to the fact that my husband was my son in a previous lifetime I no longer could be intimate with him as my perspective and feelings changed. (I left out the part where he abused me). I went on to thank her.  I said “thank you for being there for him as I walked away, thank you for loving and caring for him when I could not, I  just wanted to say thank you”. I asked her about my cat as I had to leave her behind when I left.  It was reassuring to know that my cat has been well cared for and she will be turning 16 years old on April 1st. I asked her to send my love to his family as I know they have been though a lot of hardship these last few years. Although I may no longer be in their lives I wish them nothing but the best as they were once my family for more than half my lifetime. As we parted ways I couldn’t help but think to myself…

Maybe he has change?

I hope for her sake he does treat her differently than he treated me. I do whole heartily want them to be happy. I think everyone deserves love and happiness.

I was no longer worried about this “vaccine” I was about to inject into my body. I couldn’t help but to think about how the universe and my guides made this encounter happen. This was my confirmation that my angels and guides have my back. As I walked away after taking the jab I went and sat in the common seating area where I was directed to go.

Within minutes my entire left arm where the shot had been injected went numb this feeling spread across the entire backside of my body. It felt as if I put icy rub on the entire back half of my body as well as my left arm. My blood within felt as if it was flowing through my veins like lava. My right arm and front half of my body became icy cold to touch. I got a lump in my throat and was having difficulty breathing. The nurses escorted me to behind a partition and had me lay on a table. There were 3 nurses.

They placed an ice pack where the needle had been injected as well as an ice pack on the back of my neck.  My body started to shake. All though my blood was on fire my body was freezing as if I had a chill. None of them had witnessed anyone have a reaction like this before. They all agreed that it wasn’t a typical allergic reaction.

I explained to them what had happened in the line up and how I was feeling about taking this shot. They told me that this reaction I had was stress and trauma induced. After half an hour I started to feel a bit better and drove myself home.

During the drive home my blood in my entire body now felt like burning lava. Although I still had this chill that cut right to the bone. I couldn’t warm myself up. I had to pull over to vomit multiple times on the way home. When I arrived home I took a hot shower put on warm pjs and slept under my electric blanket. For the life of me I couldn’t get warm although my body felt as if it were on fire. It was like it was so hot it was cold.

Throughout the night my symptoms became worse. I would lay down and not be able to breathe or catch my breath I had to stand up hunched over to breathe. I went downstairs and watched a movie as I couldn’t sleep laying down I sat on the couch.

The next morning I called public health. I told her about my symptoms and she told me there was nothing she could do for me. I asked if she could put a note on my file. She said only doctors have the authority to do that and I would need to speak to my doctor. I was lucky enough to be able to speak to my doctor within an hour of calling the office.

I told her about my symptoms and she didn’t seem too concerned. She told me that it doesn’t seem to be an allergic reaction but just some side effects to the vaccine. So far since taking the first jab. My mensural cycle has been horrible I get months where it lasts upwards of 30 days in a row then nothing for a month or two and then it’s back for a month. I have experienced blood clots the size of grapefruits come out. I experience more pain in my body than I ever have before. I experience what I call left breast cramps which apparently is heartburn. I now suffer with migraine like headaches and vomit for no reason. Yes, I do admit I have a history of endometriosis, fibroids and PCOS. Whatever is in this “vaccine” has put my symptoms on steroids. Although my doctor says this is “normal” and that I’m probably premenopausal.  It’s just a fluke that this all started to intensify after the first jab.  I feel very defeated in this as I know my body better than anyone. It frustrates me when this gets brushed off as “normal” this is far from normal. I am just told there is no proof that this vaccine caused my symptoms.  My argument back is there no proof that it didn’t.

As I went back to work I came to the realization that once again I was trapped in a narcissistic, abuse cycle.  Going to work makes me feel the same way my ex did when I would go home. As I approached the building my body began to shake with fear.

What new changes have they implemented now?

I am already mandated to inject an experimental vaccine into my body that is obviously doing more harm than good. I am currently “fully vaccinated” but the question is…

For how long?

How many of these shots am I going to be mandated to take to keep my job?

I still covid test myself daily in order to work, I am forced to wear a mask and shield to cover my entire face, my breathing has become laboured, the residents are locked in their rooms like prisoners, I feel tired, defeated and exhausted.  As I leave work at the end of the day the waterworks start. I can’t help but to cry not only for them but for myself.

I know that my heart and soul is not in this anymore. I know that I can’t go on putting on a happy face and fake it. What is happening is nowhere near okay.

This 4th lockdown really sent me into a deep self reflection.  The divine has given me these life skills that I have developed over time for a reason.  It is time to take a stance and stand my ground.  I know my worth and I know I am worth much more than the way I’ve been treated at work. To them I am just a number they don’t care about me. If I walk away from my job they would replace me within minutes. As much as I love and care for the residents this is no longer the job I once signed up for.  It’s time for me to fuel my heart snd soul.

I am going to put more focus on me. My life goals and dreams. I am starting to coach those on their spiritual awakening journey. Those looking to navigate their way through the darkness.  I am publishing my second book 📕 Igniting the Flame Within: How to Guide 📚 which again shows how I healed. Through sharing my personal experiences. I have made the second book clear concise and to the point.

I have added to the 30 Day Self-Love and Care Challenge and linked all the products on Amazon that I’ve used to help navigate my journey. I go more in-depth in the book regarding the challenge but it’s a good start for anyone looking to shift and change their life.

I know that I’m a strong independent woman who can accomplish anything she puts her mind too  if you’re interested in some coaching via video chat contact me and I will get back to you. My contact information is on my main website.

Thank you to all of those who have been reading my blogs and following along.

Just one questions…

How are you doing?



A Risk Worth Taking

A Risk Worth Taking

Saturday November 8th 2019, today marks 2 years since I took a risk and went in person to tell my twin flame everything. I was so nervous and didn’t know if I was doing the right thing. I thought if he’s not experiencing the same things I was he would call me crazy and kick me out of his house. It was a risk I had to take. That weekend turned out to be one of the most magical weekends of my life. Instead of calling me crazy he pulled me in closer. When he kissed me the fireworks exploded within. Just to lay next to him holding one another felt so right. It was a weekend that I will cherish forever.

Here I am 2 years later and although the twin flame journey is more about soul growth and going within. I still miss him being in my life.

If you read my book you know what happened and we can’t change the past we can only live in the moment as that’s the only time we really have. I live my life with no regrets. I take chances, go on adventures and I don’t waste a moment. Although I have no desire to date anyone but myself. My friends encouraged me to try online dating.

I have met some amazing people and gone on some pretty amazing dates. One guy met me at Canada’s Wonderland he paid for everything and we had an amazing time. Unfortunately it triggered more inner childhood wounds by him paying for everything. Him paying for everything triggered my internal wounds, of my dad buying my love as a child. We would do fun things like this and then he would be gone again. This person took me to Canada’s Wonderland we had an amazing date, a few days later we went out for dinner. We had a really nice time but the next day he left to go back to work for 6 weeks. A few days after he he left he told me he wasn’t feeling the spark with me (which was mutual it felt more like a friendship). I agreed that we should just be friends but he ghosted me a week later.

Since then I have been stood up 3 times. I even drove 2 hours to meet someone. I messaged him that morning to say I was leaving my house. He gave me a thumbs up and said “see you soon”. I waited at this park for 3 hours after the time we had planned to meet. He didn’t text me back until 10pm that night. He told me that we had to talk. I told him that I know my self worth and in a land where everyone is constantly on their phone there was no excuse as to why he couldn’t have sent me a quick text. He went on to try and reschedule another meeting time with me. I said I’m a one and done woman no second chances. He called me a cold hearted bitch, and continued to tell me I wasn’t even that pretty. I blocked him after that.

I have been catfished, lied too, stood up, stalked and ghosted. I know the universe is just putting these people in my path for soul growth and I obviously have some work to do with my abandonment issues which I am working on.

I do feel whole and complete on my own but it would be nice to have someone to share my life with. I don’t feel the spark with anyone like I did with my twin flame. No one tells you that the hardest relationship you will every have will be the one with yourself. In a world where everyone is looking for their “other half” “soulmate” “twin flame” “better half” to complete them. The truth is you must be whole and complete on your own and love who you are are fully and completely. Only then will you attract the right partner into your life.

I have given up on dating apps. It makes me sad to see what the world of dating has become. Why hide behind a mask and fake who your are? Everyone seems to just be looking to hook up with no attachments. If you don’t put out on the first date good luck getting a call back. There are couples who are looking to spice things up by adding a third party. What happened to dating?  Where you go out with someone with no expectation of having sex in return for a nice night out. Hollywood has normalized sex and it’s so sad. I could get laid every day of the week by a different person every night if I wanted.

Instead I choose to wait for Mr.Right. I have not had sex with anyone in 2 years and I’m am okay waiting until I find the right one. If everyone knew the power of sex and the connection you make when you do come in contact with a soul connection there is no way you could just sleep around.

I have let the divine take the wheel. I have faith that the divine will bring me my Prince Charming when the time is right. They brought my twin flame to me when I was least expecting it. I know everything will work out the way it’s supposed to, when it’s supposed too. Until then I just keep living my life to the fullest taking risks and having fun.

Letter to my Twin Flame

Letter to my Twin Flame

Like I said in my previous blog Life and Death. I mourned my twin flame as if he had died. Losing him was the worst pain I had ever felt in my entire life. So I grieved him by writing this letter.

Here is what I wrote…

Reflecting back on the time we shared together makes me so happy that I had you as a friend in my life.

That weekend we shared together was like magic. It was something out of a fairytale. I have to keep reminding myself that life is not a Cinderella story and not every story has a happily ever after.

When you kissed me I felt fireworks within my entire being.  I have never felt anything like that before and I will never experience that again. I thank you so much for that moment.

For in that moment my heart chakra was wide open and I felt the burning love that you’re supposed to feel for someone.

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

If I had 3 wishes…
*I wish you knew the depth of this connection 

*I wish we could communicate

*I wish you knew how much your friendship means to me

It was wrong of me to share all this weird crazy stuff that was happening to me. At first I thought it was all your fault, that I was cursed and my entire life fell apart. It was wrong of me to blame you. I thought that you would understand where I was coming from. Since we triggered this together. I assumed you were experiencing what I was. I was wrong and I am sorry.

I was so scared and alone. I am so grateful you took the time out of your weekend to listened to my side of the story. Instead of calling me crazy, you pulled me in closer and supported me. Thank you 🙏

How did you not feel the fireworks between us?

I didn’t know what love was until I hugged you. I will forever be grateful for that hug we shared. For that was the hug that gave me back my life.

I know life has not been easy for you. Trust me I’ve been there too. Our life mirrors and reflect one another. I 100 percent know where you’re coming from.

My hope and wish for you is that you’re happy. I hope you live a long and prosperous life. Filled with love and joyous moments. I hope you find someone to share your life with even if it isn’t me. I wish you nothing but the best in this lifetime. Know that I love and support you always and forever.


“It’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all”



Life and Death

Life and Death

So today I found one of my residents dead. Having worked in long term care for over 20 years now I have actually found many people who are just laying in their bed waiting to be found.

Today was different I was in the office trying to put some music on an iPod for another resident the song I was loading was “stairway to heaven” when all of a sudden I heard… “For the love of god will someone come check on me, god damnit”.

I connected the voice in my head to one of my residents who was end of life. I had gone to say my goodbyes that morning knowing this resident didn’t have much time left in this physical world. As I approached the room I felt goosebumps through my entire body the hairs on my neck stood on end. I knew they were dead before even entering the room and should have just went to get the nurse. However I proceeded to go into the room.

I sat with the body for a minute I put my hand on this persons arm and saw their life flash before my eyes like you see in the movies. This individual lived a long full life. They had travelled the world, painted pictures of their adventures, wrote and published a book, was married and had lived an amazing life. This individual was in their 90’s. I had watched the arthritis take over their body to a point where they were bed ridden, hard of hearing, visually impaired and no longer able to paint or write. Over time this person became a hermit in their room refusing all 1:1 friendly visits. I watched over the course of a year as this person declined. Where was the quality of life? Why continue to lay in a bed allowing a machine to breath for you? That is not living.

Being surround by death has really taught me a lesson in how to live my life. I live my life in the moment with no regrets. I take the chances, go on adventures, travel the world and just live life care free.  If I don’t like the way my life is going I change it.

My life has changed more in 2 years than I could have ever imagined in my wildest dreams. I have learned that we are the creators of our own reality and can manifest any life we desire from our dream state into reality.

I am so grateful for the universe connecting me with my twin flame. Although I didn’t feel that way in the beginning. I felt as if I had been cursed. My entire life as I knew it fell apart after connecting with him. Within one months time I left my matrimonial home, my husband at that time and all my things behind to start my life over. It was one of the scariest things I have ever done.

It was the fear of the unknown that kept me trapped in an abusive, loveless relationship for so long. I can tell you today I stand before you a much stronger, confident, independent woman and I will always be grateful that I made these life changes when I did. If it wasn’t for my twin flame I would probably be in the same abuse cycle or even worse dead.

As for the twin flame thing. It does get easier with every passing day but he is still burned into my body, mind and soul. Some days are easier than others. I find the hardest part is having no communication with him in the real world. I actually had to grieve loosing him.  When he ghosted and blocked me out of his life. It was as if he had died here in the physical world. In order to grieve his death I wrote a letter in my journal called an ode to my twin flame.

With life comes death and although neither is easy. It is important to just live your life daily. We come into this life alone and we die alone. Like Trooper says in their song “We’re here for a good time not a long time, so have a good time the sun can’t shine everyday”

30 Day Self-Love and Care Challenge

30 Day Self-Love and Care Challenge

Starting today whatever day you have stumbled across this blog. Challenge yourself to 30 days of self love and care. My goal for this post is that after 30 days you will feel better about yourself and see the transformation. It takes 3 weeks to create and sustain a healthy habit and mindset. 90 Days to sustain it and make it into a lifestyle change.

As Promised in my second Book 📕 Ignting the Flame Within: Guide to Healing📕

I have attached a list of links and Amazon items to assist you on your healing journey. Scroll past the challenge, all the links to what helped me are listed below. If you want a more in-depth plan of how this challenge works book two will be available for purchase early spring of 2022!
❤️ ❤️‍🩹 Best of luck ❤️‍🩹 ❤️ 

30 Days to Self Love and Care 

  1. Journal
  2. Exercise
  3. Drink more water
  4. Meal prep and eat healthy from this day on
  5. Write down 10 things you a grateful for everyday
  6. I am… Daily Affirmations
  7. Ground Yourself
  8. Meditation
  9. Take a bath
  10. Do something you love
  11. Save $5 a day
  12. No screen time until after work limit to 1 hour a day during leisure time
  13. Go for a Walk/ hike connect with nature
  14. Try oil pulling
  15. Forgive your past and let it go
  16. Pay if forward
  17. Take a different way to work or wherever  you need to go
  18. Talk to a stranger
  19. Compliment everyone you see
  20. Declutter and get rid of things you don’t need
  21. Dance and Sing throughout the day
  22. Go to bed early
  23. Try a new exercise
  24. Make a meal you have ever made before
  25. Write down 10 things you would like to manifest into your life
  26. Do something nice for a family or friend
  27. Get dressed up and go out for dinner
  28. Do something out of your comfort zone
  29. Call a friend or family member on the phone
  30. Congratulations!!!! You have completed 30 days you should now have $100 saved treat yourself to a reward you deserve it!

List of Products I used:

My Top Journal Picks:

Zen as F*ck Journal :

Into the wild Shadow Work Jounral:

The Untethered Soul Journal:

Power of Now Journal:

Burn Book: 100 Day Planner:

Adult Colouring Book:

Adult Colouring Book 2022 Calendar:

Painting Project:

My Go to Exercise Programs: 

Sit to Fit beginner Exercise Idea:

21 Day Fix Program (perfect for beginners):

21 Day Fix Meal Portion Size Containers:

90 Day 30 Minutes Jillian Michaels Body Revolution DVD Kit:

Jillian Michaels (my favourite workout DVDs):

Zumba Dance Party:

Winsor Pilates: Different DVDs to chose from:   

Guided Meditation:

Yoga for Beginners:

Chair Yoga:

Breath Yoga:

Advance Yoga:


Thin Yoga Mat:

Thick Yoga Mat:

Loop Bands:

Regular Resitance Bands:


Yoga Blocks and Straps:


Apple iwatch:

Cheap Fitbit Option:

Food and Drink Ideas:

Electrolyte Powder:

Liquid Chlorophyll (add to water):

Psyllium Husks:
GI Fortify:

Parisite Cleanse Kit:

Greens Plus:

Raw Greens:
Coconut Oil:

Vitamin C:

Vitamin D:

Multi Vitamin:

Fish Oil:

Protein Powder:

Self Care Products: 

Bubble Bath:

Epsom Salt:

Dry Skin Brush:

Shower Aroma Therapy Pucks:

Breath Clear Shower Pucks:

Oil Defuser:
Cheaper Option:


Air Purifiers:

Spiritual Healing: 

Sage Smudging Kit:


Crystal Healing Starter Kit:
Crystal Healing Oil Infused Chakra Bracelet:

Chakra Healing Pendulum:

Wooden Pendulum Board:

Original Tarot Card Deck 1909:

Tarot Made Easy Deck:

Chakra Oracle Cards:

Angel Answers Oracle Cards:

Souls Journey Cards:
Practicing the Power of Now:

How to Love Yourself Cards:


The Power of Now:

The Untethered Soul:

Spiritual Guidance Book:

Journey of the Souls:

Daily Devotions for Spiritual Growth and Peace of Mind:

The Secret:

The Magic:

Think And Grow Rich:

Mind Gut Connection:

List of New Activities to Try: 

Learn to Knit:

Learn to Crochet:

 Gardening Kit:








Learning to Love Again

Learning to Love Again

It has been 2 years since I walked out the door and haven’t looked back since. As I left for work that September morning I knew my life would never be the same again. I left the house with a suitcase of clothes, a pillow, sleeping bag and an air mattress. I had no clue what my long term plan was going to be. I was terrified but I knew I could no longer stay trapped in an abuse cycle. Things had come full circle and I had made the decision to leave. I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy task but it was time.

That night after work I went to my Nana’s house. She said that I could live with her for as long as I needed to sort things out. I am so grateful that she gave me a safe place to stay.

When my ex realized that I was not coming home that night he started to blow up my phone with millions of texts. I have placed many of the texts he sent in my book. Overall the text were all about him and how he felt, he needed me to come home. Not once did he ask me how I was feeling or what I needed. He wanted me to go home because he was hurting. I stayed strong I texted him back with one text that said, “after last nights behaviour you will be lucky if I ever come come home. I cannot be treated like this anymore. I am done. I have hit a breaking point and you have broken me. Please leave me alone during this time. If I want contact with you it will be on my terms.”

Throughout my book you can see how the narcissist gaslights the empath and the way he kept disrespecting my boundaries. It took me a couple weeks to truly stand my ground and no longer return to the abuse cycle.

Something that I didn’t realize at the time was how hard it would be to open up my heart to someone again. Not only was my heart broken when I left a toxic abuse cycle but, I was head over heals in love with my twin flame. I knew I couldn’t just jump from my marriage into a relationship with my twin flame. I was so blinded by the love I felt for him. I really wanted to be in a romantic relationship with my twin flame.

A few months after leaving my ex things were getting flirty between my twin flame and I. It felt really good to actually feel the love. A love I had never felt in my entire life. A love so strong that I can’t even put it into words. When we were together the sexual chemistry was out of this world but we also connected on a completely different level. When my twin flame blocked and ghosted me that was when the real pain started. Triggering my childhood trauma and abandonment issues.

I had no one but myself to blame. I was left out in the cold. I had left a 14 year relationship and jump right into something amazing and new. I didn’t take the time to just learn who I was as a person.

Here I am today a much stronger, confident, independent version of myself. The only thing is no one told me was that once I healed myself and found the love within how my entire perspective on the way we love others and how we deserve to be loved would change. I now have standards for myself. I know my self worth and I know that I deserve the best.

I have been going on dates with different men since February 2021. I see things from a completely different perspective. I have been ghosted, stalked, catfished and lied too.

I have also met someone who treats me very well. He showers me with gifts, takes me to fun place, pays for everything and treats me like a princess. Yet I push him away because it triggers me. I feel that he’s trying to buy my love. I keep reminding myself that this is different he is not my ex. Yet I see this behaviour as a red flag more than a nice gesture.

I also feel like something is missing. I don’t feel that explosive firework bubble love. You know the feeling, it’s the can’t eat, can’t sleep reach for the stars World Series feeling. I don’t feel that with this man at all. I kind of feel numb. That is how I know this relationship is not worth perusing. He’s someone else’s soulmate and I need to release him so he can be happy with his perfect partner.

This man also triggers some of the childhood wounds that I still have within myself. I think the universe has placed him in my path as a way to see where I still need to work on myself and my insecurities.

I have decided to stop trying to date and just be happy with my life the way it is in this moment.

I am actually okay living alone. I am enjoying owning my own house and having my own space. The universe will bring Mr.Right into my life when the time is right. I know that it will be magical and serendipitous just like it was when I connected with my twin flame. I know he will be the one when I feel those fireworks and butterflies again.

I am feeling really good about myself and my situation in this moment. I am giving it to the universe to navigate. I surrender to whatever outcome may come. I no longer sit around waiting for my twin flame to return to me.

Why was I wasting so much time and energy waiting for someone to come back into my life?

If the masculine felt the love like the feminine does there is no way they would be able to just walk away from the connection and go on with their normal day to day life.

I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love them. Someone who is a supportive partner and doesn’t run away when things get hard. Someone who can openly communicate everything and anything that is on their mind. I actually made a list of 100 qualities I want in a partner and I’m not settling for just anyone.

I know my Mr.Right is out there and I will attract him into my life when the time is right. However, I obviously still have my own healing to work on. I still have trust and abandonment issues. I have shadows within me that still need to be destroyed.

On a positive note I am so grateful for the life that I have created for myself. I am proud of the person I am today. I wouldn’t change my life for the world. No one tells you how hard it will be to date after leaving an abuse cycle. Now that I’ve gained back my self worth, self love, self confidence and independence. It will take a strong soulmate connection to win over my heart and soul.

Let me tell you it’s worth the wait because this girl is NOT settling for anything less than Mr.Right. 

Twin Flame Obsessed

Twin Flame Obsessed

How I learned to control the obsessive overthinking…

The number one sign for me that this person was my twin flame was the obsessive thinking. This person was obsessively on my mind 24/7 for months on end.  I thought I was going insane. It wasn’t until Chapter 24 in my book entitled Help! Where I was able to start to learn how to control this connection better.

Now don’t get me wrong I do still have thoughts about my twin flame on occasion, he still sends me visions/dreams and I can feel his energy because we are still one soul. We are still connected through the chakras on one energy source. I have figured out how to balance the energy’s within me and it feels amazing.

First of all the soul does not recognize social media so blocking and ghosting your twin flame online or from your life does not work when it comes to blocking out the obsessive thinking. It actually makes the twin flame journey even more challenging when there is no communication between you and your other self.  This is a soul connection you are one soul in two body’s it’s best to try and keep the lines of communication open if you can.  Unfortunately most of the time there are external obstacles keeping you apart. The twin flame masculine also doesn’t understand the depth of the connection on a conscious level like you do. They subconsciously run from the intensity of the energy between you both and they have no clue they are even doing it. Think of it in the terms of them running from their own deep rooted trauma, fears and emotions. They are not running from you they are running from themselves.

Regardless of your twin flames status in your life. The twin flame journey is more about your own spiritual journey and soul growth. It’s about self- love, self- worth, self-discovery and so much more. It’s your own life journey of your soul in this lifetime.  There are no guru’s out there or anyone outside yourself that can tell you what to do or how to navigate this connection.  The answers are within you. I can guide you and tell you what helped me but what helped me might not resonate with you. I do have faith that by sharing my story it will help others struggling with this journey.

Do you know that you are already whole and complete on your own?

This other person doesn’t complete you.  You are already one soul you are always in union so to speak on a soul level.

“You don’t have a soul, you are a soul, you have a body” Buddha

I am proud to say here I am today almost 2 years later and I could have never imagined the strong independent woman that I have become throughout this process.

So how did I do it? How did I make the obsessive thinking go away? How did I surrender so to speak to the connection? How did I take back the power and control of my life?

It really wasn’t that complicated once I figured it out…

I have shared the main points and what worked for me throughout my book so I don’t want to repeat myself here I wrote most of my learnings into a novel. However, I will touch base on one thing I feel is one of the key points to controlling the obsessive thinking.

I am a recreational therapist working in long term care. I work with individuals with Alzheimer’s Disease and other forms of Dementia. My job actually made me realize that the twin flame obsession is very similar to those who are sundowning. These individuals walk around wandering the halls day in and out asking to go home. Every 30 seconds to 1 minute they ask me to go home, I find myself repeating you are home, this is your home.  In their mind they are looking to go back to their childhood home.

You see the brain is like an onion. An onion has layers so you take the core of the onion for example: The core is where you find your memories from childhood you remember your mom, dad, sister, brother, childhood home, school and things you used to enjoy doing. As we age the brain or onion so to speak gains more layers.  You grow up, graduate high school, get married, buy a house, have children, grandchildren and the layers build everyday until the onion gets so big and the layers get so weak  that we start to loose the outer part of our onion. That is why someone with Alzheimer’s Disease can’t remember what they did just a few short minutes ago but instead are obsessively in search of their childhood home. They have reverted back in time in their brain back to the core memories.

The key to prevent this behaviour is to keep them engaged in an activity that they enjoy for example, exercise, painting, puzzles, sing a long or bingo.  There are many activities to choose from. During the activity the individual is so engaged in the activity that is going on in that moment that they completely forget that they were looking to go home.  They may not remember the activity minutes after participating but the important part is that they were present in that moment when the activity was taking place.

So now you may ask, how does this have anything to do with the twin flame obsession?

It has everything to do with it…

We are made up of three parts body, mind and soul. We always have the control over our own body and mind but in the twin flame dynamic you are one soul and the soul is what you are.  So the soul is constantly looking to go home.  Now that you have recognized your soul inside of another human being it’s constantly looking to go home. It keeps you constantly in search of them, wondering about them, which triggers the mind and the ego.  We still have full control of the situation as a human being in a body as you have control of the body and the mind. The soul however accelerates to a whole new level after this meeting of it’s other self.

So how do you control this…

Live your life in the now. Don’t worry about the past it’s in the past and there is nothing you can do about it. Which is easier said than done. Try your best to Live in the moment.  Step into your power and take back the control of your own body and mind. Focus on activity’s that fuel your soul. I enjoy exercising, crafting, painting, reading, writing, meditating, baking, taking baths, connecting with nature and so many other activity’s. When you do these things be present in that moment don’t waste your time worrying about the past or about what’s to come. Just be in that moment. Feel the wind on your skin, the warmth of the sun, listen to the birds in the trees, stop to smell the rose and focus on the little things in life. Stop focusing and worrying about this other person, pull back your energy and put all the focus back on you. The more you focus on them the more they focus on themselves.  The more you focus on you the more they will focus on you too. Live in the NOW!

Spirit is sending me the song Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield look up the lyric’s see if it resonates with you.

I hope this helps. Feel free to comment or reach out I am always happy to help.



Although I highly encourage that you learn to trust your own intuition on this journey. I did meet a few people along the way that were able to guide me in the right direction.  Your heart and soul knows what to do, this is a soul connection. The internet didn’t even exist when my soul came up with this contract. My soul knows how to navigate this journey better than any external source.

Here are a few people who helped guide me throughout my journey so far…

I signed up for a course called all things spiritual.  This course was more reasonable I spent $500 instead of $5000 and this was one of the best things I could have done for myself. The teacher’s name was Liz Throp “The Soul Expert” she has won awards all across Canada for her spiritual gifts.  This was money well spent, it was a very private small group setting in a house.  I write about this experience in my book and the things she taught me that have helped me navigate this journey.  I am so grateful to have found her when I did as I was spiraling into the darkness.

I also found someone online named Carol Mary who specializes in twin flame connections. Her website is She offers lots of different services but the one that I did was the twin flame consultation for $200 USD.  Which took a long time to get back but was well worth the wait as it went into great detail about my past life with my twin flame and things I needed to work on to heal myself on a soul level.  Things that I was subconsciously doing to push my twin flame away.  She went in depth on working on self-love and self-worth.  This was a personalized road map as to what I needed to do to heal this connection and again money well spent.  Carol Mary also has a twin flame support group on Facebook and many other amazing coaching service to help with your journey.

Cassady Cayne is another person who experienced the twin flame connection first hand.  She experienced the kundalini awakening like I did and her personal story teachings are helpful. She offers a lot of free online information.  Her website is

There are many people on YouTube who are providing free information regarding awakening, expanding your consciousness and twin flames.  Aaron Doughty’s video’s really helped me with my journey as well as Christina Lopes, Abraham Hicks, Eckhart Tolle and Gold Ray Twin Flames.  Just to name a few there are lots of people on YouTube who understand this and are helping people for free.  There are also some who are doing more damage than good.  These are just the ones that I found helped me on my journey.  Figure out who can help you.

The last one I would like to touch base on that really helped me with his free YouTube video’s is Kurt.  His YouTube is New World Allstar.  He really does understand this connection and has a lot of free material to help you with all things twin flame.  Although I don’t agree with all of his teachings as it’s not a one size fits all cookie cutter plan and each person’s journey is different. A lot of the things he talks about make sense if you are actually on the twin flame journey.  If you are not on the twin flame journey his teaching will sound like non sense and a little crazy. He does offer a cookie cutter plan for those on the twin flame journey that you can pay for. Again everyone’s story is different no two twin flame story’s are the same. So what works for someone to bring back their twin flame may not work for someone else. The purpose of the twin flame connection is not about the romance it’s about soul growth and expanding your level of consciousness. I have not paid for Kurt’s program as I have already wasted far too much money on the twin flame thing.

I am currently at a place in my life where I feel whole and complete without my twin flame or anyone for that matter.  I have found the love within myself and I no longer have the obsessive thoughts regarding my twin flame.  I have learned to surrender and pull back my energy, putting all that energy back on my self.  It has definitely been a process. I am no where near the same person I was just a few short years ago when I made this connection. I am so proud of the person I am today.

Incase no one has told you lately, I am also proud of you.

Do you even know how far you’ve come on your own journey?

Caution: Twin Flame Scammers

Caution: Twin Flame Scammers

The real twin flame journey is not an easy path to be on and I feel your frustration.  When I first woke up to this connection I thought I was going insane.  I had this person who I had hugged burned into my body, mind and soul 24/7, we became telepathic, he was sending me visions through his eyes, I felt a love for him like I had never experienced before. I became physically sick, could no longer eat or sleep and things went a little insane in the spiritual gifts department. I felt alone, scared and crazy.

Honestly who can you talk to about any of this and not sound crazy?

If you are currently not on this twin flame rollercoaster and you’re out there looking for your twin flame I just have to say, please run in the opposite direction and find yourself a nice soulmate.

I now realize that the purpose of the twin flame connection is to be more of a catalyst for a spiritual awakening.  This happened so I could take back the power and control of my own life. Find the love within myself and know my worth. Spirit is guiding me to share my story with others to be a bright shinny light, lead the way and help others on their path. I am not offering coaching at this time but if you want to reach out and just chat as a friend I am always looking to make new friends on this journey. (free of charge)

The real twin flame thing is so rare. I have created social media pages to support others and share what I have learned along the way I also learn new things daily.

When this first happened to me I was so desperate to have my old life back.  I wanted to go back to my comfortable, co-dependent life with my husband.  Spirit had another plan for me.  After I hugged my twin flame, felt the love and experienced the kundalini awakening there was no way to go back to my old way of living. I had no choice but to move forward and change my entire life.

I wasted so much money on these “Twin Flame Scammers” to show me the way through the dark night of the soul. I wanted them to tell me exactly what was happening to me and how to fix it.

That’s why I want to to help others like you without having to spend the thousands of dollars that I did for false hope and promises. All of these “Twin Flame Experts” guaranteed that if I signed up for their program or used their service my twin flame would come back.

I have published my private diary and I am sharing my knowledge for free to help you because I want to be that person that I didn’t have when I went through all of this. I am a recreational therapist in long term care.  I did not write my story to get rich quick or charge millions for what I have learned over the years of being on this journey. I am doing this to meet others all around the world who are experiencing this crazy twin flame thing.

I had never even heard of a twin flame before this connection happened and I thought that I was already married to my soulmate.  Which couldn’t have been further from the truth.  I needed this person to come into my life in divine time to wake me up from the deep sleep I was in and open me up to this whole new world that I never even knew existed.  When we hugged was when my entire life changed. I experienced a kundalini spiritual awakening which is the number one sign for me that this person truly was my twin flame.  If you don’t experience any kind of awakening or spiritual growth odds are they are not your twin flame.

If you have read my book by chapter five I was three weeks into the connection and feeling really confused as to what was happening to me. Things were getting really insane and I had no clue how to control it.  So I did the most logical thing I could think of and reached out to a local psychic. That’s where I finally started to find some answers.  She was the one who first shared with me that I had met someone who was the ying to my yang.  That was the day I discovered the label twin flame and to this day I try to pretend as if I never heard that label.

I started to research the connection, I started to become even more obsessed with the connection, (if that’s even possible).  I wanted help from anyone and everyone who understood this.

Like I  mentioned above I wasted a lot of money. I am talking thousands of dollars along the way. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. So here are some red flags to watch out for when paying for “Twin Flame Experts” to help on this journey.

Tarot Card Readings- I wasted a lot of time, money and energy on tarot card readings from random people all over the world.  I became obsessed with free pick a card readings on YouTube.  I would book with random people to find out what was happening in my connection with my twin flame. Once a week I would pay some reader who specialized in twin flame connections for a reading.  Every reader did pick up that what I was experiencing was a real twin flame connection, (tell me something I don’t know). Most would say he’s coming back soon or thinking about reaching out.

It’s been two years how soon is soon?

Caution People Who Reach Out To You-I had someone reach out to me claiming to be a “Twin Flame Guru” first she said that my ancestors had a message for me and was offering me a free reading.  So she said to send a picture of myself my full name and a picture of my left palm.  So I did that. She answered back saying I have been cursed and I am surrounded by negative energy. In order to go further in depth she needed to do a full twin flame reading for $111 to see what this negative thing is that’s blocking my twin flame and I from union.  So I paid for the reading then she came back with the fact that she would have to remove the negative energy in her temple and needed some supplies. The total cost of everything would be $1500 and she promised me that after she cleared this energy my twin flame would come back to me once that negative block was gone.  After about a week she reached back out and said she had bad news the spell didn’t work and the negative thing is really strong she would need more supplies.  She told me that she needed to purchase an amulet that was going to cost $4000 she was going to transmute the cursed energy into an amulet and make a sacrifice. This was where I did not pay $4000 and walked away. I then had another “Twin Flame Specialist” tell me that my soul was no longer my soul and an earth bound spirit had taken over my body. For $2000 she could help balance the energy and put my soul back into my body. She also suggested that I do a chakra balancing.  I actually paid for a portion of this service to balance my chakra’s but she refused to do the service without apparently putting my soul back first. I then asked for my money back. I have had people offer me services to put a spell on my twin flame to bring him back. I don’t want to play around with witchcraft we all have free will.  If I bought into all these service people told me I needed to bring my twin flame back and heal the connection, I would be so far in debt. I get these type of messages daily from “Twin Flame Experts” reaching out to provide me with free readings and advice.  I now don’t respond or kindly decline the offer.

Twin Flame Coaching– My next red flag would be when I discovered “Twin Flame Universe”. I reached out thinking that these people could really help me. Only to realize that they are not even on the twin flame journey.  Don’t get me wrong they really do believe they are on the twin flame path and think they are helping people. When in all reality they are doing more harm than good by training others to be twin flame coaches.  None of these people I connected with are on a twin flame journey. It just made things even more confusing.  They charged a fortune for their services.  I bought their book after paying for a few of the services they offer and realized that none of what they spoke about in their book about twin flames made sense.

I then realized that they were training other people to coach people on the twin flame journey and none of these people understood anything I was experiencing. I realized they are in this for the money and not so much to help people.  Their methods don’t work and they are full of false hope yet they are getting rich off the twin flame label. If you see a couple on the internet who both agree that they are twin flames they are working together in harmonious union and have been together for years. They have a great relationship they both know they are twin flames and they charge a fortune. I would go in a different direction.

Although the mirror technique that they teach for twin flames does work for all relationships including twin flames that would be my only take away from the thousands of dollars I wasted on this program. You can google search the mirror technique and learn how to do that online for free. They also play on the twin flame label. Their focus is for those who have not met their twin flame yet to help them draw their twin flame into their life. I had already met my twin flame I needed someone to help control the connection, cut the cords and set me free to live my life again. Although deep down I was really wishing for him to come back to be and get my happily ever after. Regardless nothing that they offered helped.

The next person I found offered a free over the phone consultation on how to help bring your twin flame back after you have already connected and are in separation. Again I talked to one of the coaches at this “Be With Your Twin Flame” program they were offering online. As I spoke to this girl about what I was experiencing she said I sounded like a perfect candidate for their program. She then went on to say if I was interested in joining it cost $6000 USD (I am Canadian that is closer to $8000 for me). Then moving forward there is a membership to join their private social media group it would be an additional $40 a month.  Again with the promise of bringing back my twin flame. I kindly declined this service as this was a ridiculous amount of money.  I took that money and published my book instead to help others.

In conclusion there is a lot of confusing mixed information about twin flames on the internet.  What to do, how to navigate it, how to bring back your twin flame, how to cut the cords and so many more articles that may or may not make sense to you.

Everyone’s situation is different there is no cookie cutter program that is going to help everyone through this.  It’s like a diet and exercise program. I can have ten people in a group and give them all the exact same diet and exercise plan.  Over the course of six to eight weeks everyone will experience different results as everybody is different and needs a plan tailored to their specific needs.

This is my story, these are the things that made my situation worse not better. At the end of the day your soul knows what to do. The answers are within you, you know the truth.  An external person cannot help you with this you need to learn to trust your own intuition and be your own guiding light through the dark night of the soul.

At the end of the day we can all use a friend on this crazy journey through life. I love meeting new people from all over the world. By me helping you it actually helps fuel my soul. We are all soul family and no one deserves to be left in the dark or feel alone regardless of the label or what you are going through. I wish you all the best with whatever it is you’re going through. Know that you are not alone and you are not crazy.

Breaking the Abuse Cycle

Breaking the Abuse Cycle

Before my awakening I didn’t even realize that I was trapped in an abuse cycle. I normalized it and made up excuses for my husbands behaviour. When I woke up so to speak. I couldn’t stay in an abuse cycle I had to leave as it was making me physically sick to stay.

How to Recognize That You Are Trapped in an Abuse Cycle

1) The Honeymoon Phase

All seems well this is “normal” life

2) Tension Builds

Tempers start to heighten the victim can feel the energy shift and feels as if they are walking on eggshells. The victim tries to stay on their best behaviour, careful not to trigger an explosion.

3) Explosion (Abuse Happens) 

Mental abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse. Regardless of the abuse it’s abuse and this is the explosion.

4) Apologies and Gifts  

The abuser apologizes for their actions, begs for the victim to come back. Buys them gifts, promises it’s going to be different. They say they won’t do it again and that they have changed their ways.

5) Repeat 

The victim returns home and the entire cycle repeats again. It might be days, weeks, months or even a year but the abuser goes back to his old ways and the cycle repeats again

How to Break the Cycle 

 Step 1: Recognize that you are trapped in an abuse cycle.

Step 2: Make a plan to leave in a safe way (talk to a therapist, friends and family).

Step 3: Leave when the abuser is not home

Step 4: Stay strong and don’t go back

Step 5: Take back the power and control of your own life.

For more information I share my personal story as to how I kept getting sucked back into the abuse cycle. I also share how I broke the cycle. Took back the power and control of my own life and became the best version of myself that I could be. Now this is living!!!!

If you are struggling with leaving an abuse cycle please feel free to reach out as I have been in your shoes. It’s not easy but in the end it’s well worth it.