Tag: #selflove

Self Reflection

Self Reflection

As I rang in the new year 2022 I couldn’t help but reflect back on my life over these last few years. I not only no longer recognize the girl I once was but I no longer recognize this 3D world in which I live in. I have been spending a lot of time in hermit mode healing and grieving the loss of a life I once knew.

My world came crumbing down once again one week ago today. I was informed that in order to keep my 3D job working in long term care that I would be mandated to take yet another “covid vaccine”. As I have had reactions to the last two shots and I am still trying to figure out what this is doing to my body. I was very hesitant. However, in order to keep my job I must take the jab. So I was called for a last minute appointment opening. As I arrived to the building I wanted to run in the opposite direction. I felt sick, my gut instinct was saying not to take this shot. My mind was saying suck it up you need a job.

As I walked into the building my entire body was starting to tremble I prayed that my angels and spirit guides would keep me protected from the long term damage this jab is doing to my body.

As I proceeded to walk into the room where their was a huge lineup I became overwhelmed with the energy. Anxiety started to take over my body and I worked on grounding myself to keep calm. As I observed my surroundings I couldn’t help but notice the girl standing behind me. Although she had a mask on I could tell from her aura that she was a kind hearted soul. I felt an instant connection to her but couldn’t figure it out. I asked my guides that if they want me to talk to her they needed to give me her name. Within seconds of that thought leaving my brain a women a few feet ahead of me turned around and said “Hi Emily” (I have changed her name to keep her identity hidden). The two of them proceeded to chat. (With me standing uncomfortably between them). Their conversation was short and sweet but I couldn’t help overhear her congratulate Emily on her engagement. It was in that moment I realized who this woman behind me was…

She was my ex husbands new fiancé!

I turned around and introduced myself I explained to her that I had experienced what is called a kundalini spiritual awakening and now I get messages from beyond. I asked if she was comfortable with me telling her what I was being guided to say. She agreed. I started by confirming that she is indeed engaged to my ex husband. (Which I have never seen this woman in my life and have had no communication with my ex in over two years now). That first fact blew her mind. I told her that when I woke up to the fact that my husband was my son in a previous lifetime I no longer could be intimate with him as my perspective and feelings changed. (I left out the part where he abused me). I went on to thank her.  I said “thank you for being there for him as I walked away, thank you for loving and caring for him when I could not, I  just wanted to say thank you”. I asked her about my cat as I had to leave her behind when I left.  It was reassuring to know that my cat has been well cared for and she will be turning 16 years old on April 1st. I asked her to send my love to his family as I know they have been though a lot of hardship these last few years. Although I may no longer be in their lives I wish them nothing but the best as they were once my family for more than half my lifetime. As we parted ways I couldn’t help but think to myself…

Maybe he has change?

I hope for her sake he does treat her differently than he treated me. I do whole heartily want them to be happy. I think everyone deserves love and happiness.

I was no longer worried about this “vaccine” I was about to inject into my body. I couldn’t help but to think about how the universe and my guides made this encounter happen. This was my confirmation that my angels and guides have my back. As I walked away after taking the jab I went and sat in the common seating area where I was directed to go.

Within minutes my entire left arm where the shot had been injected went numb this feeling spread across the entire backside of my body. It felt as if I put icy rub on the entire back half of my body as well as my left arm. My blood within felt as if it was flowing through my veins like lava. My right arm and front half of my body became icy cold to touch. I got a lump in my throat and was having difficulty breathing. The nurses escorted me to behind a partition and had me lay on a table. There were 3 nurses.

They placed an ice pack where the needle had been injected as well as an ice pack on the back of my neck.  My body started to shake. All though my blood was on fire my body was freezing as if I had a chill. None of them had witnessed anyone have a reaction like this before. They all agreed that it wasn’t a typical allergic reaction.

I explained to them what had happened in the line up and how I was feeling about taking this shot. They told me that this reaction I had was stress and trauma induced. After half an hour I started to feel a bit better and drove myself home.

During the drive home my blood in my entire body now felt like burning lava. Although I still had this chill that cut right to the bone. I couldn’t warm myself up. I had to pull over to vomit multiple times on the way home. When I arrived home I took a hot shower put on warm pjs and slept under my electric blanket. For the life of me I couldn’t get warm although my body felt as if it were on fire. It was like it was so hot it was cold.

Throughout the night my symptoms became worse. I would lay down and not be able to breathe or catch my breath I had to stand up hunched over to breathe. I went downstairs and watched a movie as I couldn’t sleep laying down I sat on the couch.

The next morning I called public health. I told her about my symptoms and she told me there was nothing she could do for me. I asked if she could put a note on my file. She said only doctors have the authority to do that and I would need to speak to my doctor. I was lucky enough to be able to speak to my doctor within an hour of calling the office.

I told her about my symptoms and she didn’t seem too concerned. She told me that it doesn’t seem to be an allergic reaction but just some side effects to the vaccine. So far since taking the first jab. My mensural cycle has been horrible I get months where it lasts upwards of 30 days in a row then nothing for a month or two and then it’s back for a month. I have experienced blood clots the size of grapefruits come out. I experience more pain in my body than I ever have before. I experience what I call left breast cramps which apparently is heartburn. I now suffer with migraine like headaches and vomit for no reason. Yes, I do admit I have a history of endometriosis, fibroids and PCOS. Whatever is in this “vaccine” has put my symptoms on steroids. Although my doctor says this is “normal” and that I’m probably premenopausal.  It’s just a fluke that this all started to intensify after the first jab.  I feel very defeated in this as I know my body better than anyone. It frustrates me when this gets brushed off as “normal” this is far from normal. I am just told there is no proof that this vaccine caused my symptoms.  My argument back is there no proof that it didn’t.

As I went back to work I came to the realization that once again I was trapped in a narcissistic, abuse cycle.  Going to work makes me feel the same way my ex did when I would go home. As I approached the building my body began to shake with fear.

What new changes have they implemented now?

I am already mandated to inject an experimental vaccine into my body that is obviously doing more harm than good. I am currently “fully vaccinated” but the question is…

For how long?

How many of these shots am I going to be mandated to take to keep my job?

I still covid test myself daily in order to work, I am forced to wear a mask and shield to cover my entire face, my breathing has become laboured, the residents are locked in their rooms like prisoners, I feel tired, defeated and exhausted.  As I leave work at the end of the day the waterworks start. I can’t help but to cry not only for them but for myself.

I know that my heart and soul is not in this anymore. I know that I can’t go on putting on a happy face and fake it. What is happening is nowhere near okay.

This 4th lockdown really sent me into a deep self reflection.  The divine has given me these life skills that I have developed over time for a reason.  It is time to take a stance and stand my ground.  I know my worth and I know I am worth much more than the way I’ve been treated at work. To them I am just a number they don’t care about me. If I walk away from my job they would replace me within minutes. As much as I love and care for the residents this is no longer the job I once signed up for.  It’s time for me to fuel my heart snd soul.

I am going to put more focus on me. My life goals and dreams. I am starting to coach those on their spiritual awakening journey. Those looking to navigate their way through the darkness.  I am publishing my second book 📕 Igniting the Flame Within: How to Guide 📚 which again shows how I healed. Through sharing my personal experiences. I have made the second book clear concise and to the point.

I have added to the 30 Day Self-Love and Care Challenge and linked all the products on Amazon that I’ve used to help navigate my journey. I go more in-depth in the book regarding the challenge but it’s a good start for anyone looking to shift and change their life.

I know that I’m a strong independent woman who can accomplish anything she puts her mind too  if you’re interested in some coaching via video chat contact me and I will get back to you. My contact information is on my main website.

Thank you to all of those who have been reading my blogs and following along.

Just one questions…

How are you doing?



Letter to my Twin Flame

Letter to my Twin Flame

Like I said in my previous blog Life and Death. I mourned my twin flame as if he had died. Losing him was the worst pain I had ever felt in my entire life. So I grieved him by writing this letter.

Here is what I wrote…

Reflecting back on the time we shared together makes me so happy that I had you as a friend in my life.

That weekend we shared together was like magic. It was something out of a fairytale. I have to keep reminding myself that life is not a Cinderella story and not every story has a happily ever after.

When you kissed me I felt fireworks within my entire being.  I have never felt anything like that before and I will never experience that again. I thank you so much for that moment.

For in that moment my heart chakra was wide open and I felt the burning love that you’re supposed to feel for someone.

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

If I had 3 wishes…
*I wish you knew the depth of this connection 

*I wish we could communicate

*I wish you knew how much your friendship means to me

It was wrong of me to share all this weird crazy stuff that was happening to me. At first I thought it was all your fault, that I was cursed and my entire life fell apart. It was wrong of me to blame you. I thought that you would understand where I was coming from. Since we triggered this together. I assumed you were experiencing what I was. I was wrong and I am sorry.

I was so scared and alone. I am so grateful you took the time out of your weekend to listened to my side of the story. Instead of calling me crazy, you pulled me in closer and supported me. Thank you 🙏

How did you not feel the fireworks between us?

I didn’t know what love was until I hugged you. I will forever be grateful for that hug we shared. For that was the hug that gave me back my life.

I know life has not been easy for you. Trust me I’ve been there too. Our life mirrors and reflect one another. I 100 percent know where you’re coming from.

My hope and wish for you is that you’re happy. I hope you live a long and prosperous life. Filled with love and joyous moments. I hope you find someone to share your life with even if it isn’t me. I wish you nothing but the best in this lifetime. Know that I love and support you always and forever.


“It’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all”



Life and Death

Life and Death

So today I found one of my residents dead. Having worked in long term care for over 20 years now I have actually found many people who are just laying in their bed waiting to be found.

Today was different I was in the office trying to put some music on an iPod for another resident the song I was loading was “stairway to heaven” when all of a sudden I heard… “For the love of god will someone come check on me, god damnit”.

I connected the voice in my head to one of my residents who was end of life. I had gone to say my goodbyes that morning knowing this resident didn’t have much time left in this physical world. As I approached the room I felt goosebumps through my entire body the hairs on my neck stood on end. I knew they were dead before even entering the room and should have just went to get the nurse. However I proceeded to go into the room.

I sat with the body for a minute I put my hand on this persons arm and saw their life flash before my eyes like you see in the movies. This individual lived a long full life. They had travelled the world, painted pictures of their adventures, wrote and published a book, was married and had lived an amazing life. This individual was in their 90’s. I had watched the arthritis take over their body to a point where they were bed ridden, hard of hearing, visually impaired and no longer able to paint or write. Over time this person became a hermit in their room refusing all 1:1 friendly visits. I watched over the course of a year as this person declined. Where was the quality of life? Why continue to lay in a bed allowing a machine to breath for you? That is not living.

Being surround by death has really taught me a lesson in how to live my life. I live my life in the moment with no regrets. I take the chances, go on adventures, travel the world and just live life care free.  If I don’t like the way my life is going I change it.

My life has changed more in 2 years than I could have ever imagined in my wildest dreams. I have learned that we are the creators of our own reality and can manifest any life we desire from our dream state into reality.

I am so grateful for the universe connecting me with my twin flame. Although I didn’t feel that way in the beginning. I felt as if I had been cursed. My entire life as I knew it fell apart after connecting with him. Within one months time I left my matrimonial home, my husband at that time and all my things behind to start my life over. It was one of the scariest things I have ever done.

It was the fear of the unknown that kept me trapped in an abusive, loveless relationship for so long. I can tell you today I stand before you a much stronger, confident, independent woman and I will always be grateful that I made these life changes when I did. If it wasn’t for my twin flame I would probably be in the same abuse cycle or even worse dead.

As for the twin flame thing. It does get easier with every passing day but he is still burned into my body, mind and soul. Some days are easier than others. I find the hardest part is having no communication with him in the real world. I actually had to grieve loosing him.  When he ghosted and blocked me out of his life. It was as if he had died here in the physical world. In order to grieve his death I wrote a letter in my journal called an ode to my twin flame.

With life comes death and although neither is easy. It is important to just live your life daily. We come into this life alone and we die alone. Like Trooper says in their song “We’re here for a good time not a long time, so have a good time the sun can’t shine everyday”

30 Day Self-Love and Care Challenge

30 Day Self-Love and Care Challenge

Starting today whatever day you have stumbled across this blog. Challenge yourself to 30 days of self love and care. My goal for this post is that after 30 days you will feel better about yourself and see the transformation. It takes 3 weeks to create and sustain a healthy habit and mindset. 90 Days to sustain it and make it into a lifestyle change.

As Promised in my second Book 📕 Ignting the Flame Within: Guide to Healing📕

I have attached a list of links and Amazon items to assist you on your healing journey. Scroll past the challenge, all the links to what helped me are listed below. If you want a more in-depth plan of how this challenge works book two will be available for purchase early spring of 2022!
❤️ ❤️‍🩹 Best of luck ❤️‍🩹 ❤️ 

30 Days to Self Love and Care 

  1. Journal
  2. Exercise
  3. Drink more water
  4. Meal prep and eat healthy from this day on
  5. Write down 10 things you a grateful for everyday
  6. I am… Daily Affirmations
  7. Ground Yourself
  8. Meditation
  9. Take a bath
  10. Do something you love
  11. Save $5 a day
  12. No screen time until after work limit to 1 hour a day during leisure time
  13. Go for a Walk/ hike connect with nature
  14. Try oil pulling
  15. Forgive your past and let it go
  16. Pay if forward
  17. Take a different way to work or wherever  you need to go
  18. Talk to a stranger
  19. Compliment everyone you see
  20. Declutter and get rid of things you don’t need
  21. Dance and Sing throughout the day
  22. Go to bed early
  23. Try a new exercise
  24. Make a meal you have ever made before
  25. Write down 10 things you would like to manifest into your life
  26. Do something nice for a family or friend
  27. Get dressed up and go out for dinner
  28. Do something out of your comfort zone
  29. Call a friend or family member on the phone
  30. Congratulations!!!! You have completed 30 days you should now have $100 saved treat yourself to a reward you deserve it!

List of Products I used:

My Top Journal Picks:

Zen as F*ck Journal : https://amzn.to/31MCwse

Into the wild Shadow Work Jounral: https://amzn.to/3FfW6L3

The Untethered Soul Journal: https://amzn.to/3JYxV7C

Power of Now Journal: https://amzn.to/3nfP6I2

Burn Book: 100 Day Planner: https://amzn.to/3r5olqH

Adult Colouring Book: https://amzn.to/3r3fvd7

Adult Colouring Book 2022 Calendar: https://amzn.to/3Gfu5o5

Painting Project: https://amzn.to/3f71G8    https://amzn.to/3FedmjQ

My Go to Exercise Programs: 

Sit to Fit beginner Exercise Idea: https://amzn.to/3GiaKmc     https://amzn.to/3HT3PAi

21 Day Fix Program (perfect for beginners): https://amzn.to/33ng9tB

21 Day Fix Meal Portion Size Containers: https://amzn.to/3HM6k7q

90 Day 30 Minutes Jillian Michaels Body Revolution DVD Kit: https://amzn.to/3fgiZ6l

Jillian Michaels (my favourite workout DVDs): https://amzn.to/3zKOkrw

Zumba Dance Party: https://amzn.to/3fjGBad   https://amzn.to/3JULLrz

Winsor Pilates: Different DVDs to chose from: https://amzn.to/3GqSTJO   https://amzn.to/3JYJkEf   https://amzn.to/3zKcBOb             https://amzn.to/3r8syKn       https://amzn.to/3ncBX2o     https://amzn.to/3r5jJkr

Guided Meditation: https://amzn.to/3HTyOfF  https://amzn.to/3qgUAnR

Yoga for Beginners: https://amzn.to/3K0VxZi   https://amzn.to/3r77qEn  https://amzn.to/3HTXnZT

Chair Yoga:https://amzn.to/3raLTue

Breath Yoga: https://amzn.to/34zOvu1

Advance Yoga: https://amzn.to/3tpjzHc   https://amzn.to/3tidwV6


Thin Yoga Mat: https://amzn.to/3qcgvfG

Thick Yoga Mat:https://amzn.to/3HV61aq

Loop Bands: https://amzn.to/3GgNbKy

Regular Resitance Bands: https://amzn.to/3r8uJxx   https://amzn.to/3nddU3i


Yoga Blocks and Straps: https://amzn.to/33nQ39Y

Fitbit: https://amzn.to/3GhoOwe

Apple iwatch: https://amzn.to/3qecaZF

Cheap Fitbit Option: https://amzn.to/3GklXmn

Food and Drink Ideas:

Electrolyte Powder:https://amzn.to/3r2vg41https://amzn.to/3r2mDGx       https://amzn.to/33kJsgo  https://amzn.to/3qcWtBV

Liquid Chlorophyll (add to water): https://amzn.to/3HVoLH6

Psyllium Husks: https://amzn.to/3r8A1ZV
GI Fortify:https://amzn.to/33lfNDM

Parisite Cleanse Kit: https://amzn.to/3HW8bqB

Greens Plus: https://amzn.to/338UrKi

Raw Greens: https://amzn.to/3qfZPUL
Coconut Oil:

Vitamin C:

Vitamin D:https://amzn.to/3JS5TdT

Multi Vitamin:https://amzn.to/3f9ZNre

Fish Oil: https://amzn.to/34sYrFE

Protein Powder: https://amzn.to/3K1PmUz

Self Care Products: 

Bubble Bath: https://amzn.to/3F8TtKR

Epsom Salt: https://amzn.to/3tufamL https://amzn.to/3HRBTgl

Dry Skin Brush: https://amzn.to/3rcazTs

Shower Aroma Therapy Pucks: https://amzn.to/3qfzbeJ

Breath Clear Shower Pucks: https://amzn.to/3qcSrt5

Oil Defuser: https://amzn.to/3tuwF6r
Cheaper Option: https://amzn.to/33lcsVi

Oils: https://amzn.to/3HRt9Xr

Air Purifiers: https://amzn.to/3f9m3Bv  https://amzn.to/3tn1R7z  https://amzn.to/3zMDYaw

Spiritual Healing: 

Sage Smudging Kit:https://amzn.to/3faOrTN


Crystal Healing Starter Kit: https://amzn.to/3zRlpC3  https://amzn.to/3f9ntvP
Crystal Healing Oil Infused Chakra Bracelet: https://amzn.to/3K9vFdM

Chakra Healing Pendulum: https://amzn.to/3fcssvv

Wooden Pendulum Board: https://amzn.to/3r50UxL

Original Tarot Card Deck 1909:https://amzn.to/3GhrEkS

Tarot Made Easy Deck: https://amzn.to/3qeeLmn

Chakra Oracle Cards: https://amzn.to/34tEsqo

Angel Answers Oracle Cards:https://amzn.to/31PrRwY

Souls Journey Cards: https://amzn.to/33nIr7y
Practicing the Power of Now:

How to Love Yourself Cards: https://amzn.to/3ndr2Fu


The Power of Now: https://amzn.to/3zMCNHX

The Untethered Soul: https://amzn.to/3GkiYub

Spiritual Guidance Book: https://amzn.to/3FeDivB

Journey of the Souls: https://amzn.to/3FcqKVt

Daily Devotions for Spiritual Growth and Peace of Mind: https://amzn.to/3fbYhVi

The Secret: https://amzn.to/3Gf92SB

The Magic: https://amzn.to/33nT7Tp

Think And Grow Rich: https://amzn.to/3Ghbfx5

Mind Gut Connection: https://amzn.to/3FiqeWf

List of New Activities to Try: 

Learn to Knit: https://amzn.to/3r7bJzx  https://amzn.to/3zMMZ3i  https://amzn.to/3qeZr8J

Learn to Crochet: https://amzn.to/3FmdWMh

 Gardening Kit: https://amzn.to/3zKb4b7   https://amzn.to/3JYnLUh








Learning to Love Again

Learning to Love Again

It has been 2 years since I walked out the door and haven’t looked back since. As I left for work that September morning I knew my life would never be the same again. I left the house with a suitcase of clothes, a pillow, sleeping bag and an air mattress. I had no clue what my long term plan was going to be. I was terrified but I knew I could no longer stay trapped in an abuse cycle. Things had come full circle and I had made the decision to leave. I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy task but it was time.

That night after work I went to my Nana’s house. She said that I could live with her for as long as I needed to sort things out. I am so grateful that she gave me a safe place to stay.

When my ex realized that I was not coming home that night he started to blow up my phone with millions of texts. I have placed many of the texts he sent in my book. Overall the text were all about him and how he felt, he needed me to come home. Not once did he ask me how I was feeling or what I needed. He wanted me to go home because he was hurting. I stayed strong I texted him back with one text that said, “after last nights behaviour you will be lucky if I ever come come home. I cannot be treated like this anymore. I am done. I have hit a breaking point and you have broken me. Please leave me alone during this time. If I want contact with you it will be on my terms.”

Throughout my book you can see how the narcissist gaslights the empath and the way he kept disrespecting my boundaries. It took me a couple weeks to truly stand my ground and no longer return to the abuse cycle.

Something that I didn’t realize at the time was how hard it would be to open up my heart to someone again. Not only was my heart broken when I left a toxic abuse cycle but, I was head over heals in love with my twin flame. I knew I couldn’t just jump from my marriage into a relationship with my twin flame. I was so blinded by the love I felt for him. I really wanted to be in a romantic relationship with my twin flame.

A few months after leaving my ex things were getting flirty between my twin flame and I. It felt really good to actually feel the love. A love I had never felt in my entire life. A love so strong that I can’t even put it into words. When we were together the sexual chemistry was out of this world but we also connected on a completely different level. When my twin flame blocked and ghosted me that was when the real pain started. Triggering my childhood trauma and abandonment issues.

I had no one but myself to blame. I was left out in the cold. I had left a 14 year relationship and jump right into something amazing and new. I didn’t take the time to just learn who I was as a person.

Here I am today a much stronger, confident, independent version of myself. The only thing is no one told me was that once I healed myself and found the love within how my entire perspective on the way we love others and how we deserve to be loved would change. I now have standards for myself. I know my self worth and I know that I deserve the best.

I have been going on dates with different men since February 2021. I see things from a completely different perspective. I have been ghosted, stalked, catfished and lied too.

I have also met someone who treats me very well. He showers me with gifts, takes me to fun place, pays for everything and treats me like a princess. Yet I push him away because it triggers me. I feel that he’s trying to buy my love. I keep reminding myself that this is different he is not my ex. Yet I see this behaviour as a red flag more than a nice gesture.

I also feel like something is missing. I don’t feel that explosive firework bubble love. You know the feeling, it’s the can’t eat, can’t sleep reach for the stars World Series feeling. I don’t feel that with this man at all. I kind of feel numb. That is how I know this relationship is not worth perusing. He’s someone else’s soulmate and I need to release him so he can be happy with his perfect partner.

This man also triggers some of the childhood wounds that I still have within myself. I think the universe has placed him in my path as a way to see where I still need to work on myself and my insecurities.

I have decided to stop trying to date and just be happy with my life the way it is in this moment.

I am actually okay living alone. I am enjoying owning my own house and having my own space. The universe will bring Mr.Right into my life when the time is right. I know that it will be magical and serendipitous just like it was when I connected with my twin flame. I know he will be the one when I feel those fireworks and butterflies again.

I am feeling really good about myself and my situation in this moment. I am giving it to the universe to navigate. I surrender to whatever outcome may come. I no longer sit around waiting for my twin flame to return to me.

Why was I wasting so much time and energy waiting for someone to come back into my life?

If the masculine felt the love like the feminine does there is no way they would be able to just walk away from the connection and go on with their normal day to day life.

I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love them. Someone who is a supportive partner and doesn’t run away when things get hard. Someone who can openly communicate everything and anything that is on their mind. I actually made a list of 100 qualities I want in a partner and I’m not settling for just anyone.

I know my Mr.Right is out there and I will attract him into my life when the time is right. However, I obviously still have my own healing to work on. I still have trust and abandonment issues. I have shadows within me that still need to be destroyed.

On a positive note I am so grateful for the life that I have created for myself. I am proud of the person I am today. I wouldn’t change my life for the world. No one tells you how hard it will be to date after leaving an abuse cycle. Now that I’ve gained back my self worth, self love, self confidence and independence. It will take a strong soulmate connection to win over my heart and soul.

Let me tell you it’s worth the wait because this girl is NOT settling for anything less than Mr.Right.