Tag: Twinflame

Letter to my Twin Flame

Letter to my Twin Flame

Like I said in my previous blog Life and Death. I mourned my twin flame as if he had died. Losing him was the worst pain I had ever felt in my entire life. So I grieved him by writing this letter.

Here is what I wrote…

Reflecting back on the time we shared together makes me so happy that I had you as a friend in my life.

That weekend we shared together was like magic. It was something out of a fairytale. I have to keep reminding myself that life is not a Cinderella story and not every story has a happily ever after.

When you kissed me I felt fireworks within my entire being.  I have never felt anything like that before and I will never experience that again. I thank you so much for that moment.

For in that moment my heart chakra was wide open and I felt the burning love that you’re supposed to feel for someone.

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

If I had 3 wishes…
*I wish you knew the depth of this connection 

*I wish we could communicate

*I wish you knew how much your friendship means to me

It was wrong of me to share all this weird crazy stuff that was happening to me. At first I thought it was all your fault, that I was cursed and my entire life fell apart. It was wrong of me to blame you. I thought that you would understand where I was coming from. Since we triggered this together. I assumed you were experiencing what I was. I was wrong and I am sorry.

I was so scared and alone. I am so grateful you took the time out of your weekend to listened to my side of the story. Instead of calling me crazy, you pulled me in closer and supported me. Thank you 🙏

How did you not feel the fireworks between us?

I didn’t know what love was until I hugged you. I will forever be grateful for that hug we shared. For that was the hug that gave me back my life.

I know life has not been easy for you. Trust me I’ve been there too. Our life mirrors and reflect one another. I 100 percent know where you’re coming from.

My hope and wish for you is that you’re happy. I hope you live a long and prosperous life. Filled with love and joyous moments. I hope you find someone to share your life with even if it isn’t me. I wish you nothing but the best in this lifetime. Know that I love and support you always and forever.


“It’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all”



Life and Death

Life and Death

So today I found one of my residents dead. Having worked in long term care for over 20 years now I have actually found many people who are just laying in their bed waiting to be found.

Today was different I was in the office trying to put some music on an iPod for another resident the song I was loading was “stairway to heaven” when all of a sudden I heard… “For the love of god will someone come check on me, god damnit”.

I connected the voice in my head to one of my residents who was end of life. I had gone to say my goodbyes that morning knowing this resident didn’t have much time left in this physical world. As I approached the room I felt goosebumps through my entire body the hairs on my neck stood on end. I knew they were dead before even entering the room and should have just went to get the nurse. However I proceeded to go into the room.

I sat with the body for a minute I put my hand on this persons arm and saw their life flash before my eyes like you see in the movies. This individual lived a long full life. They had travelled the world, painted pictures of their adventures, wrote and published a book, was married and had lived an amazing life. This individual was in their 90’s. I had watched the arthritis take over their body to a point where they were bed ridden, hard of hearing, visually impaired and no longer able to paint or write. Over time this person became a hermit in their room refusing all 1:1 friendly visits. I watched over the course of a year as this person declined. Where was the quality of life? Why continue to lay in a bed allowing a machine to breath for you? That is not living.

Being surround by death has really taught me a lesson in how to live my life. I live my life in the moment with no regrets. I take the chances, go on adventures, travel the world and just live life care free.  If I don’t like the way my life is going I change it.

My life has changed more in 2 years than I could have ever imagined in my wildest dreams. I have learned that we are the creators of our own reality and can manifest any life we desire from our dream state into reality.

I am so grateful for the universe connecting me with my twin flame. Although I didn’t feel that way in the beginning. I felt as if I had been cursed. My entire life as I knew it fell apart after connecting with him. Within one months time I left my matrimonial home, my husband at that time and all my things behind to start my life over. It was one of the scariest things I have ever done.

It was the fear of the unknown that kept me trapped in an abusive, loveless relationship for so long. I can tell you today I stand before you a much stronger, confident, independent woman and I will always be grateful that I made these life changes when I did. If it wasn’t for my twin flame I would probably be in the same abuse cycle or even worse dead.

As for the twin flame thing. It does get easier with every passing day but he is still burned into my body, mind and soul. Some days are easier than others. I find the hardest part is having no communication with him in the real world. I actually had to grieve loosing him.  When he ghosted and blocked me out of his life. It was as if he had died here in the physical world. In order to grieve his death I wrote a letter in my journal called an ode to my twin flame.

With life comes death and although neither is easy. It is important to just live your life daily. We come into this life alone and we die alone. Like Trooper says in their song “We’re here for a good time not a long time, so have a good time the sun can’t shine everyday”

Learning to Love Again

Learning to Love Again

It has been 2 years since I walked out the door and haven’t looked back since. As I left for work that September morning I knew my life would never be the same again. I left the house with a suitcase of clothes, a pillow, sleeping bag and an air mattress. I had no clue what my long term plan was going to be. I was terrified but I knew I could no longer stay trapped in an abuse cycle. Things had come full circle and I had made the decision to leave. I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy task but it was time.

That night after work I went to my Nana’s house. She said that I could live with her for as long as I needed to sort things out. I am so grateful that she gave me a safe place to stay.

When my ex realized that I was not coming home that night he started to blow up my phone with millions of texts. I have placed many of the texts he sent in my book. Overall the text were all about him and how he felt, he needed me to come home. Not once did he ask me how I was feeling or what I needed. He wanted me to go home because he was hurting. I stayed strong I texted him back with one text that said, “after last nights behaviour you will be lucky if I ever come come home. I cannot be treated like this anymore. I am done. I have hit a breaking point and you have broken me. Please leave me alone during this time. If I want contact with you it will be on my terms.”

Throughout my book you can see how the narcissist gaslights the empath and the way he kept disrespecting my boundaries. It took me a couple weeks to truly stand my ground and no longer return to the abuse cycle.

Something that I didn’t realize at the time was how hard it would be to open up my heart to someone again. Not only was my heart broken when I left a toxic abuse cycle but, I was head over heals in love with my twin flame. I knew I couldn’t just jump from my marriage into a relationship with my twin flame. I was so blinded by the love I felt for him. I really wanted to be in a romantic relationship with my twin flame.

A few months after leaving my ex things were getting flirty between my twin flame and I. It felt really good to actually feel the love. A love I had never felt in my entire life. A love so strong that I can’t even put it into words. When we were together the sexual chemistry was out of this world but we also connected on a completely different level. When my twin flame blocked and ghosted me that was when the real pain started. Triggering my childhood trauma and abandonment issues.

I had no one but myself to blame. I was left out in the cold. I had left a 14 year relationship and jump right into something amazing and new. I didn’t take the time to just learn who I was as a person.

Here I am today a much stronger, confident, independent version of myself. The only thing is no one told me was that once I healed myself and found the love within how my entire perspective on the way we love others and how we deserve to be loved would change. I now have standards for myself. I know my self worth and I know that I deserve the best.

I have been going on dates with different men since February 2021. I see things from a completely different perspective. I have been ghosted, stalked, catfished and lied too.

I have also met someone who treats me very well. He showers me with gifts, takes me to fun place, pays for everything and treats me like a princess. Yet I push him away because it triggers me. I feel that he’s trying to buy my love. I keep reminding myself that this is different he is not my ex. Yet I see this behaviour as a red flag more than a nice gesture.

I also feel like something is missing. I don’t feel that explosive firework bubble love. You know the feeling, it’s the can’t eat, can’t sleep reach for the stars World Series feeling. I don’t feel that with this man at all. I kind of feel numb. That is how I know this relationship is not worth perusing. He’s someone else’s soulmate and I need to release him so he can be happy with his perfect partner.

This man also triggers some of the childhood wounds that I still have within myself. I think the universe has placed him in my path as a way to see where I still need to work on myself and my insecurities.

I have decided to stop trying to date and just be happy with my life the way it is in this moment.

I am actually okay living alone. I am enjoying owning my own house and having my own space. The universe will bring Mr.Right into my life when the time is right. I know that it will be magical and serendipitous just like it was when I connected with my twin flame. I know he will be the one when I feel those fireworks and butterflies again.

I am feeling really good about myself and my situation in this moment. I am giving it to the universe to navigate. I surrender to whatever outcome may come. I no longer sit around waiting for my twin flame to return to me.

Why was I wasting so much time and energy waiting for someone to come back into my life?

If the masculine felt the love like the feminine does there is no way they would be able to just walk away from the connection and go on with their normal day to day life.

I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love them. Someone who is a supportive partner and doesn’t run away when things get hard. Someone who can openly communicate everything and anything that is on their mind. I actually made a list of 100 qualities I want in a partner and I’m not settling for just anyone.

I know my Mr.Right is out there and I will attract him into my life when the time is right. However, I obviously still have my own healing to work on. I still have trust and abandonment issues. I have shadows within me that still need to be destroyed.

On a positive note I am so grateful for the life that I have created for myself. I am proud of the person I am today. I wouldn’t change my life for the world. No one tells you how hard it will be to date after leaving an abuse cycle. Now that I’ve gained back my self worth, self love, self confidence and independence. It will take a strong soulmate connection to win over my heart and soul.

Let me tell you it’s worth the wait because this girl is NOT settling for anything less than Mr.Right. 

This Crazy Twin Flame Thing

This Crazy Twin Flame Thing

When I first made this connection I felt as if I had been cursed. I wasn’t looking for my soulmate I thought I was already married to my soulmate. I wasn’t looking for a Twin Flame I had never even heard of a twin flame.

Before I made this connection I didn’t even know what a chakra was, I have learned so much through this process.  I now realize that this person came into my life as a catalyst to wake me up from the life I was living as I am destined for great things in this lifetime. All twin flames are a catalyst for soul growth and spiritual awakening. So you can call it a catalyst Twin Flame if you want but that’s what a real twin flame is you trigger the kundalini spiritual awakening when you connect. There are also no false twin flames, your twin flame is your twin flame and there is no mistaking this connection for anything else. You only have one twin flame. In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter what the label is. It all comes down to unconditional love and finding the love within yourself.

This person who I hugged was burned into my mind, body and soul.  I was obsessively thinking about him 24/7, he was sending me visions through his eyes, the telepathy started instantly, I could feel his emotions, sexual energy included and I felt this love for him that I can’t even begin to explain or put into words.  It felt wrong to be obsessing over another man like this while I was married. I would have sex with my husband and be fantasizing about being with my twin flame. I felt as if I was cheating on my twin flame with my husband and not the other way around. I lost the love for my husband, I felt numb and no longer wanted to be with him. Your twin flame feels like home to you, you just want to be with them, touch them, hold them and never leave them. How could I explain this to my husband and not sound crazy? How could I explain this to anyone and not sound insane?

The only ones who will understand this crazy twin flame thing are those experiencing it for themselves. At first the connection feels like magic you are in that bubble love phase.  When you are with them in the physical world the obsessive thinking stops, time slips away from you and this connection just feels amazing. When there is no communication in the physical world that’s when all hell breaks loose.  The obsessive thinking begins again it’s a vicious cycle. All your inner shadows and childhood wounds come to surface. The twin flame journey is more about soul growth and ascension, than it is the romantic outcome.  Although, you feel the romantic connection on a level you can’t even put into words. You just want to be with this person because it feels so good.

The twin flame connection is a really rare thing. Most don’t have a twin flame, sometimes one twin flame stays in the astral planes and one is in the physical world. The connection can also be two souls in one body.  The most common connection seems to be one soul in two bodies. I wouldn’t wish this connection on anyone. Most people who reach out to me who really are on this twin flame path want to know how to cut the cords and walk away from the connection.

The truth is you are one soul you are connected through the chakra energy system in the body.  It would be like trying to cut off your arm you can’t cut the cords on this connection. You can however weaken the connection by pulling back your energy, grounding yourself, visualization/meditation techniques, connect with nature, throw rocks, live life in the moment, do things you enjoy doing, eat healthy, exercise and put the focus back on yourself.  The more you focus on you work on self-love, self-worth, self-discovery and healing the better you will feel.  We always have the control and power of our own body and mind.  It’s making that conscious effort to not obsess over them and take back the power and control of your own life. I write about how I did these things throughout my book to get me to where I am today.

I have learned so much since this connection was made between me and this other person.  I have made good choices and bad ones. My goal is to be a guiding light for others on this journey. I am not looking to get rich quick off this twin flame label.  I want to be that friend that I didn’t have supporting me through this for others. I reached out to so many twin flame specialists such as: tarot card readers, coaches, gurus, masters, guides, whatever they call themselves and wasted so much money along the way. My plan is to post free blogs to help others on their journey as to who helped me, what helped me and how to better understand and control the connection.

I already have a job that pays my bills I am a recreational therapist working in long term care. I do have a spiritual gift where I help the soul transition from life to death and I love what I do for work.  I have manifested my dream house into reality. I am living the dream and can teach you how to manifest your dreams into reality as well.

It was terrifying to publish my personal diary for the world to read.  I may sound crazy to most but it’s those who have experienced this first hand, those who are in the dark night of the soul, those who don’t know how to get their life back on track, those who think they have found their twin flame, those feeling lost and confused.

I have helped so many people world wide in such a short time with this crazy twin flame thing. To be honest it feels amazing to connect with so many people around the world who understand this.  There is so much information on the internet. It can be overwhelming and a lot of it is written by people who have not experienced this or gone through it themselves.  Many who call the self Twin Flame coaches and gurus are not they play on your vulnerability and the twin flame label to make money. They promise that your twin flame will come back if you surrender to the connection, focus on you, pull back your energy, ghost, block and ignore your twin flame.  The soul does not understand social media and there are also factors in the 3D world that can push them away and keep the two of you apart.  Maybe it was never in your soul contract for the two of you to be together romantically. Maybe the universe has bigger plans for you and is bringing you a soulmate.  If you love someone set them free if they come back it’s meant to be.

The masculine half of this connection does not understand the connection like you do.  The feminine half is the awaken one the conscious one who understands the connection.  The feminine is the one who receives the telepathy, energy and feels it on a conscious soul level.  The masculine feels it but is not aware to the connection like you are.  It feels more like a crush they have one someone. Don’t get me wrong you still invade their headspace but they don’t understand it.  So when you do explain this to them, if you try to explain this to them you may sound crazy and they might push you away. There are so many things looking back now that I would have changed. If I knew then what I know now. I would have done things completely differently.

Your soul made a contract before coming back into this physical world. The soul know what to do. Learn to trust your own intuition and that’s when you realize you hold all the answers within yourself.

Keep checking in for more blogs as my plan is to share all the things I learned through this journey for free.  If you want to repay me for my help reach out snd say hi. We can all use a friend on this journey. If you’re looking for clarity as to if you are on this twin flame journey or not I encourage you to read my book.  If you’re trapped in an abuse cycle or going through a spiritual awakening, I also have tips and tricks throughout my book to help you. Know that you are not alone through this and there are others world wide waking up.  You are not crazy it’s just a twin flame thing.